How To Tell If He's Just Looking to Get You in the Sack

Ladies beware, there are many men out there who will appear to be interested in you, but how can you tell the difference between the ones who really want to get to know you from the crafty ones who just want to get you into bed….

1. He doesn’t ask any questions about you. Other than, “What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done?” And other unimportant shallow questions.
2. He’s all over you WAY too soon.
3. He makes sure the drinks keep coming.
4. He calls last minute.
5. He tries to get you over to his place as soon as possible.
6. He doesn’t respect your “no” the first time you say it. If you have to say “no” twice, get the hell out of there and don’t look back.
7. He won’t make an effort to travel out of his way to see you.
8. He won’t make any original or special plans.
9. He looks around the room (or over your shoulder) as your talking.
10.  He makes no attempt to have a deep or meaningful conversation.

  
In closing, these guys are often the cutest and the most charming. So we want to believe them, we want to trust them and sometimes we tell ourselves, "who cares, it's fun!" But is it really fun to be treated like an after thought or a toy? It's no fun when he doesn't call you anymore. So spot these guys and turn and run.

Are You Needy?

PUT DOWN THAT PHONE! Do not text him again until he’s responded to your last text, do you hear me? Incessant texting is a telltale symptom of the smart, fun, independent girl turned needy. As is incessant calling, incessant attention grabbing, incessant compliment fishing… I know so many great women who are sane and stable until a man enters the scene... then, it’s all downhill. Suddenly their livelihood is sustained by attention and without it they’re pouty and desperate. And guess what? Too much of you too often and too fast scares men, and it makes them run for the hills.

Seriously? Why is that phone still in your hand? No! Don’t call him, either. Don’t text him, don’t call him. Uh oh. You’re still doing it…!

STOP and LISTEN UP! Are you making any more of these common needy mistakes that drive men away?

Take the TEST!

Are you a secure great, stable woman, until you start dating someone? Let’s see some telltale signs that you just might be a Needy Bitch!

- You have to see him all the time
- You text him constantly
- You call him constantly
- You always need to be the center of attention
- You crave validation from others
- You can’t make a decision on your own
- You are helpless without a man
- You only feel pretty or special when you’re with a man

When your sanity depends on whether or not the phone rings and he’s on the other end of the line, girl, sit down, I have to tell you something. You’re a whole lot of Needy Bitch.

The Story
Kim was thirty-six and couldn’t remember the last time she had dated anyone over a few weeks. She envied her sister Nancy and Kim would often tell her that she had found the only good man worth having. Nancy would always smile, laugh and say, “You’ll find someone, someday. They are out there”.

In fact, Nancy’s husband Nick had set Kim up with several of his guy friends, but for some reason, Kim was never ‘Wowed”. Until, one day, Nancy set Kim up with Nate, a guy from her gym. Lo and behold, they hit it off and began to date.

Perhaps because she hadn’t dated someone in so long, Kim fell for Nate hard and fast. They had only gone out about four times, when Kim started hearing wedding bells. She told her friends and her sister that she didn’t want to be set up with anyone else - this was it. She even took down her online dating profile. Kim began referring to Nate as her boyfriend when speaking to family and friends, even though they had never even come close to having a discussion about being exclusive.

Kim would call Nate everyday on her way home from work, and if he didn’t answer, she’d call back a few times until he did. If Nate called Kim back while she was on the other line with a friend, she would ditch the friend immediately to take Nate’s call – it was very important to Kim that she spoke to Nate every day, and if that meant talking when it was convenient for Nate, so be it. When they weren’t on the phone, Kim would text Nate to see what he was up to. In the instance that he didn’t write back, she nervously waited until he did. It was as though Kim’s life depended on correspondence with Nate, which was weird, because she had only known him for a couple of weeks!

After the fifth date with Nate, Kim made up her mind that she wanted to sleep with him in order to cement the fact that they were in a “relationship” and to move it ahead more quickly. That night, she got her wish and as far as Kim was concerned the “relationship” had consummated. She left Nate’s house in the morning feeling victorious that now, they were surely boyfriend and girlfriend.

Too bad Nate didn’t see it that way. Nate was still looking at it like they had only five dates and he was just getting to know her. Just like he was getting to know several other girls. Nate had never kept it a secret from Kim that he was still dating other people and that Kim was just one of them. He even told her that he wasn’t ready to commit to a relationship yet – with anyone. After they slept together, though, Kim assumed that had changed. But since Kim never told Nate that she saw their sleeping together as a symbol that they were in an exclusive relationship, Nate rightfully went about his life as he had been prior to their night of passion.

Kim started calling and texting Nate even more frequently than she had before they slept together, but Nate didn’t change his behavior at all post-sex. In Kim’s eyes, Nate’s behavior pre-sex was not nearly as attentive as it should be post-sex. Boyfriends should act different than guys who are casually dating you, after all! Kim quickly grew very annoyed with Nate.

Things got especially bad when one night, Kim was arriving to a restaurant with friends and, surprise! Who did she pass on the way in? That’s right! Nate. And he was with another girl. It was awkward in an instant, and Nate kept the encounter very short, leaving with the girl as quickly as he could. Kim, however, immediately had a pit her stomach the size of a boulder. As soon as she was in the restaurant, she ran into the bathroom where she collapsed in a stall, crying. “Why would he do this to me?” She thought. She was still an absolute mess when one of the friends she was out with came in to check on her.

Once her friend convinced her to leave the restaurant bathroom and join the group at dinner, Kim started to freak out by texting Nate, calling him and rehashing every single detail with her girlfriends an attempt to figure it all out. Finally, later that night, Nate called Kim and after she told him how angry and hurt she was, he let her know that he didn’t feel he had done anything wrong. It wasn’t as though they had talked about being exclusive. Furious and upset, Kim hung up the phone. Unsurprisingly, Nate never called again.

His View
“Wow, I’ve never been through so much drama before! Kim knew we were just dating, I was always very honest about that. But, as each day passed, Kim started to be really clingy and after we slept together it got even worse, she started acting like I was her boyfriend. I’m not sure what I could have done differently. Maybe I should have never slept with her. She would always leave sweet messages or send funny cute texts, but that wasn’t ever going to change the fact that I wanted a casual relationship. Part of me realizes now that, she actually thought if she called enough, sent me cute sexy texts and slept with me, that that would change my mind. But, as a guy, that is actually more of a turn off than a turn on.”


Reality
Was Nate a bad guy? No. Nate was a guy who was doing what guys do. Date. They date several girls at the same time until they decide to only date one. But, you have no control over that. The thing only you have control over is running them off by being desperate and needy and frankly, unrealistic.

When a girl meets a guy she should be on her best behavior and play it cool – at least for a couple of dates. But, often times she wants to make the guy her boyfriend right away, and for some bizarre reason, it makes her act needy. She’ll say and do whatever she thinks it will take to make him her boyfriend. Kim thought, “I should send him a text and say Hi, to let him know I’m thinking about him.” Kim thought, “I should send him another text of my new hair cut, so he can see how cute I look.” Kim thought, “To be in a relationship, you need to talk,” so she’d drop anything to take Nate’s call. Kim thought, “People in relationships have sex”, so she jumped into bed before she was ready thinking that it would mean forgoing everything Nate was telling her and would put them on the fast track to a relationship. And Nate picked up on how much importance Kim was putting on Nate’s attention to her, and it freaked him out.

Women who act needy are often buying into ideas they’ve invented in their heads about everything a man does or doesn’t do “meaning” something. Does a guy who’s not calling you every moment of every day mean he’s not into you? Not necessarily. But once you convince yourself it does, you rely on his call to feel good and stable about the potentially budding romance. If he doesn’t call, you call him. Constantly. But do those phone calls solidify or even help the relationship? Nope! They just make you come off as overly dependent upon someone you just started seeing.

Being needy is never attractive. It is basically like saying: “PLEASE be my boyfriend, I’m DESPERATE and LONELY!” “I HAVE NO OTHER OPTIONS!” And who wants to be with that bitch?! It’s a major turn-off. Men want women who have options and who are interesting and have their own lives. Independence is a major winning quality in a woman, but also remember it’s a fine line too. When you meet a guy you really like, play it cool but not cold. Let him know that you have a life outside of him, and always remember that things take time. Sure, there will be times that you might talk to each other every day, but it isn’t necessary and life won’t end if he doesn’t call you today. So don’t loose it if he doesn’t call. Stay calm, stay busy and focus on your life. And when you feel compelled to call, text or cling, stop that urge, DO NOT act on it and use this mantra that I find helpful: “If he doesn’t want me, then it’s his loss ad he’s a fool!”

*this is a chapter from my book, Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend

Why Are Men So Angry?

Why Are Men So Angry?--reprinted from The Daily Beast

Men in their twenties and thirties are fed up with women, but author Kay Hymowitz says you can't blame them when women are demanding equality except when it comes to romance.

Men in their twenties and thirties are fed up with women, but author Kay Hymowitz says you can’t blame them when women are demanding equality except when it comes to romance. Plus, Jessica Bennett on the modern male's identity crisis.

About a week ago, The Wall Street Journal published an excerpt of my new book, which argued that the new stage I call pre-adulthood—the twenties and early thirties—was not bringing out the best in single young men. Some men didn’t like it. As in, “cancel-my-subscription-the-writer-should-contract-such-a-bad-case-of-carpel-tunnel-syndrome-she-never-writes-again” didn’t like it.
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But a lot of the responses unwittingly proved my point—and another one: Men are really, really angry. Consider: “We’re not STUCK in pre-adulthood, we choose it because there aren’t any desirable American women. They’ve been bred to abuse men.” This fairly typical response that appeared at the Seattle Post Intelligencer website: “Sorry ladies. In the age of PlayStation 3s, 24-hours-a-day sports channels, and free Internet porn, you are now obsolete. All that nagging, whining, and stealing our hard earned cash have finally caught up to you."

Shocked? I wasn t. During the last few years researching this age group, I’ve stumbled onto a powerful underground current of male bitterness that has nothing to do with outsourcing, the Mancession, or any of the other issues we usually associate with contemporary male discontent. No, this is bitterness from guys who find the young women they might have hoped to hang out with entitled, dishonest, self-involved, slutty, manipulative, shallow, controlling—and did I mention gold-digging?

Check out the websites like names like MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), Nomarriage.com, or EternalBachelor.com (“Give Modern Women the Husband They Deserve. None.”). Or read popular bloggers like the pseudonymous Roissy, a ferociously caustic dissector of female “sluttiness” and “shit tests” (attempts to manipulate men). There are dozens upon dozens of gurus and counselors who publish posts like “42 Things Wrong With American Women” while chat forums ruminate over how “American Women Suck.”

Women may want equality at the conference table and treadmill. But when it comes to sex and dating, they aren’t so sure.

So, is this what Susan Faludi famously called the backlash? Is it immaturity, as my own book seems to suggest? Is it the Internet as an escape valve for decades of pent-up rebellion against political correctness? Or, is it just good, old-fashioned misogyny?

A bit of all of the above, probably. But there’s another reason for these rants, one that is far less understood. Let’s call it gender bait and switch. Never before in history have men been matched up with women who are so much their equal—socially, professionally, and sexually. By the time they reach their twenties, they have years of experience with women as equal competitors—in school, on soccer fields, and even in bed. They very reasonably assume that the women they are meeting at a bar or café or gym are after the same things they are: financial independence, career success, toned triceps, and sex.

That’s the bait; here comes the switch. Women may want equality at the conference table and treadmill. But when it comes to sex and dating, they aren’t so sure. The might hook up as freely as a Duke athlete. Or, they might want men to play Greatest Generation gentleman. Yes, they want men to pay for dinner, call for dates—a writer at the popular dating website The Frisky titled a recent piece “Call me and ask me out for a damn date!”—and open doors for them. A lot of men wonder: “WTF??!” Why should they do the asking? Why should they pay for dinner? After all, they are equals and in any case, the woman a guy is asking out probably has more cash in her pocket than he does; recent female graduates are making more than males in most large cities.

Sure, girls can—and do—ask guys out for dinner and pick up the check without missing a beat. Women can make that choice. Men say they have no choice. If they want a life, they have to ask women out on dates; they have to initiate conversations at bars and parties, they have to take the lead on sex. Women can take a Chinese menu approach to gender roles. They can be all “Let me pay for the movie tickets” on Friday nights, and “A single rose? That’s it?” on Valentine’s Day.
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Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men Into Boys By Kay Hymowitz 248 pages. Basic Books. $25.99.

Far worse in the bait and switch category is women’s stated preference for nice guys and actual attraction to bad boys. Now, clearly this is not true for all women. Many, maybe even most, want a guy with the sweetness of a Jimmy Stewart and sensitivity of Ashley Wilkes. But enough of them are partial to the Charlie Sheens of this world that one popular dating guru, David DeAngleo, lists “Being Too Much of a Nice Guy” as No. 1 in his “Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes Men Make With Women.” At a website with the evocative name Relationshit.com, (“Brutally honest dating advice for the cynical, bitter, and jaded,” and sociological cousin of Dating-is-Hell.com) the most highly trafficked pages are those asking the question why women don’t like good guys.

PlayStations and Internet porn? For a lot of guys, they seem like the better way.

Kay S. Hymowitz is the William E. Simon Fellow at the Manhattan Institute and a contributing editor of City Journal. Her new book is Manning Up.

Celebrity matchmaker’s controversial new book says it all

“Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend” is this year’s most honest, straightforward and hilarious relationship advice book.

With years of experience working as a matchmaker for the most eligible bachelors around the world, relationship expert Gina Hendrix holds nothing back in her debut book, “Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend” (ISBN 0615571999).

This dynamic relationship advice book lays out for its reader 16 different “bitches” – assigning tongue-in-cheek names to the various archetypal behavior categories that women who self-destruct in relationships tend to fall into. Everything from: the all business bitch to needy bitch to freaky bitch and beyond.

The book is laugh out loud funny and is structured around the question, “Which bitch are you?” and urges its reader to identify what she’s been doing wrong. “The way the advice is given is very unique,” Hendrix says. “I don’t patronize or coddle; I deliver the straight scoop that women need to hear. But, I do it in a funny and real way, similar to what a close friend would want to say, but can’t.”

Straight scoop is certainly Hendrix’s mantra. For each chapter or “bitch” that Hendrix introduces, she shares relevant real-life stories that she has encountered in her life and career. “These are the worst-case scenario versions of each of these destructive behaviors,” says Hendrix, “I have seen women do some things that even I couldn’t believe!”

Accompanying these anecdotes is a bounty of sound advice from Hendrix, who clearly has compassion for the women she’s trying to help. Hendrix dispenses her words of wisdom in a way that is relatable, lively and funny, but is ultimately constructive, informative and very worthwhile.

“Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend” is available for sale online at Amazon.com and other channels.

About the Author: Gina Hendrix is a highly regarded personal matchmaker. Her clients are some of the most eligible men in Hollywood and around the world. She is often regarded as the “Billionaire Matchmaker.” Hendrix is the founder of Exclusive Introductions, an ultra premium matchmaking service located in Los Angeles. In addition to matchmaking, Hendrix has a weekly radio show called “Beyond Beautiful,” where she has candid conversations with the world’s most beautiful and intriguing women about life, love and the pursuit of happiness.

MEDIA CONTACT
Gina Hendrix
Email: info@exclusiveinla.com
Phone: (310) 293-9203
Website: www.exclusiveinla.com/ladies

REVIEW COPIES AND INTERVIEWS AVAILABLE

Are you still single?

Don't you hate that question! Then you say, "Yes" and it's usually followed by a suspicious look followed by the question "why?" AWKWARD!

Well, how do you respond, wait..I already know...you hem and haw and then finally just give them some BS excuse just to move the conversation along to another subject...fast.

So, between you and me....what is the answer? What seems to be keeping you from being in a loving and healthy relationship? Well, that is exactly why I wrote the book Stop Being a Bitch ad Get a Boyfriend....so you can finally get to the bottom of why a relationship eludes you. Here is an excerpt from the chapter called

Insecure Bitch

Coming soon to a theatre near you…

A horror story of epic proportions! When a beautiful girl with winning qualities is bitten by a mutant bug it plants a parasite in her brain. This particularly terrifying parasite eats away at the brain of the poor unsuspecting girl, and worse: the only way to keep the parasite from eating her alive is to feed it compliments and validation from poor, unfortunate, unsuspecting humans. The infected girl tries as hard as she can to avoid feeding on her friends and boyfriend, but before long, the parasite (more commonly known as insecurity) is growing and growing and GROWING! And as the insecurity grows, it gets HUNGRIER! The once wonderful girl is quickly transformed into a practically unrecognizable creature! BEWARE! It’s the Insecure Bitch! She’s running loose, and she’s taking her friends and boyfriend hostage! She’s feeding on their compliments and validation, and it won’t be long before she’s hungry for more! Her victims, meanwhile, are running scared!

YIKES! Unfortunately, for many girls, this is more than just a movie—it’s real life. Could this crazed creature be you?

My new book Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend is available on Amazon

6 Surprising Libido Boosters

I found this today on CNN and thought you might enjoy this news!(Health.com) -- You've heard (and tried) it all before: down a dozen oysters, watch a marathon of sultry movies, get a couples massage.

Even if these usual turn-ons work for you, sooner or later they start to feel tired -- which may make you less likely to respond to them, says Irwin Goldstein, M.D., director of sexual medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego.

Luckily, science has discovered a few more offbeat things that crank up your desire. Try one out tonight!

Scare yourself

Consider taking a surfing lesson together instead of a romantic walk on the beach. After being in an adrenaline-pumping situation (say, watching a suspenseful flick or going zip-lining), men and women find the opposite sex more alluring, suggests a study in the "Archives of Sexual Behavior."

"When you're doing something exciting, your heart is racing and your nervous system is activated, much like they would be if you were sexually aroused," explains Cindy Meston, Ph.D., the study's lead researcher and co-author of "Why Women Have Sex." Just don't use up all your energy riding the waves!

Health.com: The secret to hotter sex

Swap bubbly for red wine

Romantic dinner? Order a glass of Pinot Noir or other red wine: Women who drank a glass of red daily reported higher levels of sexual desire and vaginal lubrication, compared with those who sipped any kind of alcohol only occasionally or those who didn't drink at all, according to a study in the "Journal of Sexual Medicine."

Researchers suspect that red wine's high levels of polyphenols, a type of antioxidant, may help blood vessels widen, which can increase blood flow to key arousal areas. Stick to one glass, advises lead author Nicola Mondaini, M.D.; any more may extinguish your libido.

Health.com: 7 foods for better sex

Be a poser

Yoga does more than just get you limber -- it may boost your libido, too, suggests a review published in the "Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy." Getting your om on makes you more familiar with your body, which in turn can help you get more in touch with your sexuality.

While the report looked predominantly at women with sexual problems, "certainly anyone can benefit," says Lori Brotto, Ph.D., the lead author. Bonus: Yoga may also improve your orgasms by increasing blood flow down there.

Health.com: 10 best workouts for your sex life

Get hands-on

Locking fingers with your sweetie is, well, sweet -- but can it make you hot and bothered? Absolutely. "Even little acts of touching your partner release oxytocin, a hormone that may boost closeness and arousal," Goldstein says.

The trick is to be spontaneous, he adds. That out-of-the-blue excitement is what prompts your body to pump out oxytocin and other neurotransmitters related to sexual response, so choose unexpected times to get a little grabby.

Health.com: 28 days to a healthier relationship

See (him in) red

Turns out, your man wearing this fiery hue can put you in the mood, suggests a University of Rochester study. "Red is a signal of status and power, and that turns women on," explains psychology professor Andrew J. Elliot, Ph.D., lead author of the study.

So, crazy as it sounds, urge him to wear the red shirt on date night -- you may want to tear it off him before dessert.

Take a whiff

Chances are, the smell of a sweaty gym does not get you all worked up. But the scent of your man post-workout might do just that. Sniffing his sweat can increase your level of the stress hormone cortisol, which may boost arousal, reports a study in the Journal of Neuroscience.

Consider hitting the gym together (exercising has also been found to flip our switch), or just snuggle close when he walks in after his workout. Then hit the showers -- together.

Copyright Health Magazine 2010

Don't Online Date That Guy

First let me say, online dating is great for most people. However, the majority of my clients prefer to keep their dating life anonymous and private, therefore they don’t usually use online dating sites. As for me, I’m more like you. I work a lot, most of my friends are in relationships and I spend all day in front of the computer. So, naturally, online dating is an easy way for me to meet people whom might not normally cross my path. Unfortunately, the majority of the men I see online are men I would rather NOT ever cross paths with online or off.

That being said, I know there are really great, marriage-minded catches out there that are using online dating sites; you just have to know how to spot the keepers.

A great way to weed through the possibilities and move you one step closer to finding your love match is by scoping out profile photos. Of course, we all use these photos to decide which men to contact. However, I’m sure many of you simply look at the photo but don’t see the whole picture. Some of these photos might seem appealing, but don’t be fooled. A photo can help you determine which guy might love himself more than he could ever love you or who might not be exactly what he seems.

Here is a list of things to look for when perusing the photos:

• Any man who is just too cute or too sexy: Avoid this guy or you will be in a long line with every other woman on the site. And he knows it! Why would a kid want to ever leave a candy store?
• Any man who has his shirt off.
• Posing and making cutesy or weird faces or just being too silly.
• Too stylish.
• Too perfect of a “headshot”: Airbrushing and Photoshop can be very deceiving.
• Too much of a bad boy.
• An overgrown kid.
• Photo resembles a mug shot or Wanted poster.
• Any man who has 10, 12, or 20-something photos of himself.
• His screen name can be a window to his psyche as well, so be ware.

Now, that we’ve gotten that out of the way. Here is what you should be looking for when you view the photos:

• A guy with a genuine smile.
• A guy who isn’t trying too hard.
• A guy who just looks like a regular guy—not a model, not an actor, not a bad boy, or a comedian, or James Bond.
• A guy who isn’t too put together, but not disheveled either. Just simple, not flashy or too cool.
• A guy who only has two or three photos.
• A guy who’s photos might be a little out of focus, because he’s just a regular guy who isn’t that concerned with “perfect” photos.

Finally, a guy who looks too perfect or sounds too perfect is also looking for perfection in his lady. So chances are, even if you go out with him, he will be looking for any flaw and he will find it, because no one is perfect. Look for a guy who looks like a “good guy”. Going for just the shiniest object on the page will prove to be a waste of time and energy.