Crucial Dating Advice for Men

Guys, if you are like most of the men I deal with, then you want the best of the best when it comes to women. Right? Right.

So, let me be straight with you, so you can be ready for your “A” game. Remember this is a VERY competitive game, my friend, so if you aren’t willing to do the work, you’ll never win the prize.

Now, here are the crucial nuts and bolts of  what it takes to get the girl.

1. Manners. Yes, believe it or not practically EVERY woman I talk to, says manners will get her attention. A guy who is polite, kind and considerate is already one step ahead of the game.

     

2. Call for a date (no texting)

3. Have a creative, fun plan.  We hate it when you say, “I don’t know, what would you like to do?” Uuugggghh, we want a man, who knows how to take care of us and that starts with being able to create a plan for a date. And DO NOT ask a girl to a movie before you are in an established relationship. Also, come up with something more interesting and interactive than “just dinner”. The more creative the date, the better you chances of “sealing the deal”.

4. Finally, whatever you do, DON’T make a move on us too soon. Nothing will “kill the deal” faster than if you make a move before we want you to. In fact, if you’re really smart and you play your cards right, you should wait until she is practically begging you to make a move. And she will, IF you kill her with kindness, aren’t too needy (by texting or calling too much), take the lead and have great date ideas (so you appear in charge and manly) and you’re not too forward.

And for all you guys out there who think that a girl will take advantage of you if you do those things, here is how to tell the difference in a girl who likes you VS a girl who is just using you:

1)    She will look her best every time she sees you.

2)    She will ask you questions about you.

3)     She will be attentive and a little flirty with you.

So if you get those signals, keep playing your cards right and don’t give up so easily. Men these days just give up WAY too easy and aren’t willing to put in the effort and be patient. But, I’m telling you, just keep repeating steps 1 thru 4 and be PATIENT and you WILL win the girl every time.

The Message That Never Gets Heard

Talk about frustrating. People are always asking for my advice and I love to help, but when my advice falls on deaf ears, it can be incredibly frustrating. Just imagine people armed with the advice they need, yet ignoring it completely, meanwhile continuing to get hurt over and over. 

For example: “When should I sleep with him?”  This is one of the most frequently asked questions and my answer to this question, is based on the many conversations I have had with my male clients. Ladies, do not sleep with a guy until you KNOW that you are in a REAL relationship with him. Otherwise, you run the risk of: A) Getting your feelings hurt B) Thinking he’s a player.  Women will ask me: “Is he a player?” and then they proceed to sleep with him right away! And let’s be straight with each other ladies, it’s usually us who are more of the aggressors. And the reason is this:

we think sleeping with a guy we like, will move the “relationship” along faster. And like I say in my book Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend, we think our—Hoo Ha has magical powers and will transform that hot guy we just met, into our boyfriends. WRONG!

It doesn’t work that way. In fact, it usually causes the implosion of what could have “turned into” a relationship had you not turned into the “Needy Bitch” when you didn’t get the response you were hoping to get, when you slept with him. So, I guess, your Hoo Ha is magical in a sense, it will make him disappear!  

Even I have been surprised to hear my male clients saying: “I didn’t want to go that fast, but I felt pushed.” Yep, from you ladies. I think a guy feels like he can’t resist a woman’s advances because she'll feel rejected and he will look like less of man.

So listen, I’m telling you…WAIT until you know you are really in a relationship with a good guy who treats you right and who’s actions are consistent and dependable. Getting to know someone takes time. So why risk ruining it by rushing?

How to Keep Your Sanity While Dating

We all want to be in a loving relationship, but it’s just not enough to want one, you have to be ready, willing, and available when the right person comes along. Which means, walking that fine line between being open to any and all possibilities, but not becoming needy or insecure or obsessive along the way. You have to stay in a good place mentally, which usually means keeping your mind busy and having a true passion that fuels you every day. A lot of women say that their true passion is helping people or having a family or in my case, I could say animals. And while that may be true, really, my true passion is my business. Because to me a “passion” is something that you do that takes your mind completely off of yourself, your worries and gets you out of your own head. This is what is absolutely required  in order to give you the autonomy and freedom, to not get sucked into the “over thinking” about someone you’re dating. It’s the “over thinking” that’s the killer for any relationship, be it friendship or love. Just let it be. Enjoy the moment and when the moments over, move on (mentally). Don’t linger in your mind ruminating about every detail, every word, every gesture. This is what makes you CRAZY. And believe me, we can all feel that crazy energy coming towards us. So we duck and dive, try to avoid eye contact and begin to slowly, but surely distance ourselves.

No one wants to be bombarded with phone calls or sent tons of texts or cornered into discussing how they feel or what they want too soon into knowing you. The best advice I can give anyone is this: Don’t prejudge too quickly, don’t jump into quickly, don’t over think or over talk about it or even over contact. Just go about your life and let it all evolve at a slow comfortable pace.

Don't Waste Your Love on a Loser

There is a chapter in my book Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend called: Dumb Bitch

And while that might seem harsh, I’m the first to admit, that I’ve been there and done that. That chapter was born out of the frustration that I feel when I see so many amazing women making really dumb decisions when it comes to love and dating.  I get calls, I get emails and usually, it goes something like this:

Gina, I just can’t leave him or Gina, I can't get over my ex….then followed by: he is very abusive, he wouldn’t marry me, he has a very bad temper, he won’t commit, he cheated, he is controlled by his mother, he can’t keep a job….and the list goes on.

The two things on this list that really gets me fired up the most, is a woman who “can’t leave or get over” the the guy who is abusive or a cheater! Listen up ladies, you are so LUCKY not to be stuck with that loser any more!! You should be thanking the heavens, doing an Irish jig and celebrating like a rock star. Do you know how many women (or men) NEVER get out of those situations?

Let me share a story with you about a guy I lived with years a go.

I LOVED him!!! We had great sex, great chemistry, and we were like two peas in a pod. A VERY dysfunctional pod, that is. He was very cute, very charming, perfect body (and body parts), he had great style and loved to cook out on our deck over looking the ocean. Sounds great right? Well, there are always two sides to every coin. And on the other side of this coin was a guy who when I met him, was in a relationship someone and he broke up with her to be with me. And I thought nothing of it, (I was 24 at the time and a little clueless) I just knew we had a magical connection, that was undeniable. So I went with it and chose to believe that he was a great guy. I ignored that first red flag and then there were other unattractive character traits that started to surface as we went along, but again, I chose to ignore them.  In truth, he was mentally abusive, manipulative, irresponsible and completely selfish. However, those things didn't matter to me, because of all of the other great things about him: cute, charming, stylish, cool, sexy, fun. He had all of the superficial traits I was looking for, so I was willing to over look everything else. As many women before me had and as many women after me have continued to do. To make a long story short, eventually we were like oil and water and I’m not going to say it was all him, it takes two to tango. But it should not have shocked and devastated me when, while we were still living together, he broke up with me over the phone by telling me that he was moving in with another girl, and proceeded to have his friend break into our apartment when I wasn’t home and move all of his things out. This is who he REALLY was and I knew that. I knew from the beginning he had broken up with the other girl for me and he did it in a cowardly fashion and I knew that every decision he ever made, was based on how it could benefit him. That is who he was, but that person is who I refused to see. Until he did it to me. Oh I cried and I cried and I even begged him to come back and in the months that followed I hung on to that mind trick: “But, I LOVE him”.

Now, let me tell you the rest of the story. He moved in with the new girl, got her pregnant right away, then went on to have two kids with her, never married her and right after their second child was born he left her for another woman. How do I know this? Well, I stumbled upon her blog recently and she is a brilliant writer and often chronicles her struggles as a single mom who was left high and dry by a deadbeat and she blogs about her life and current struggles living in a shady part of Hollywood, with two kids, just trying to make ends meet. When I read her blog, I thought: that could have been me, it would have been me. But, thank God it’s not. Yes, back in the 90’s it took me several months to get over him, but once I did that was it. And I thank my lucky stars often. These days, I wouldn’t even know him and he wouldn’t know me, I’m light years away from that girl who though that I could transform a loser into a good guy. 

So, what is the moral of the story? Well, there are several.

1)   NEVER over-look someone’s character, even if they have a few redeeming traits, it doesn’t ever trump someone’s true character.

2)   Get out sooner rather than later, before it ruins your life.

3)   Just remember, you WILL get over him (or her) and I PROMISE, you will be so much happier down the road.

4)   A leopard cannot change his spots.

5)   A loser is just a loser no matter no matter how hopeful you are for their redemption.

6)   Being a dumb bitch only has to be a temporary situation.

Drinking and Dating

 

I recently got an email and I’d like to share it here because I feel this is an important topic that isn’t talked bout very much. We’ll begin with her letter:

Gina-

I have two questions and they are related to alcohol.  I stopped drinking almost two years ago for personal reasons but I don't subscribe to a "no-alcohol in my home or life" mentality.  My family drinks, my friends drink, there is wine and alcohol in my kitchen and I don't have a problem with men I date drinking.  My first question is, do you think it's okay for me to put "social drinker" rather than "never" on my profile?  I feel like saying "never" makes me look like I'm not fun or that I'm judgmental.  I worry that this is dishonest, but I really feel like saying "never" limits the amount of men who would be interested in a date.

I usually try to do coffee or lunch on a first date so that I can order an iced tea or non-alcoholic drink without raising any questions.  Then if there is any chemistry and there's a second date, maybe dinner, I explain that I stopped drinking.  That brings me to my second question.  I don't think it's appropriate to get into the reasons behind my decision to not drink with someone I barely know, I just say "it doesn't agree with me."  Do you think that is the right way to handle it?  I was never a violent or belligerent drunk and I don't have a trail of wreckage that I'm trying to hide, but I know people can make any kind of assumption.  My experience so far has been that older men don't mind me not drinking, but younger men (in their 30's) are a little put off.  My approach right now is to just try and let my personality speak for itself but any advice you have would be appreciated.  

My Answer-

I'm very glad you asked, this is an issue that is rarely talked about. And as I get older I realize that people don't need to know all of our personal details and your truth is your truth, they don't need access to any information that won't affect them or harm them. People like to judge other people, especially when you're dating. They want to size you up, figure out what’s wrong with you and then they're off to the next person. So, the fact that you stopped drinking (first of all I applaud you) is a great thing. You do not have to tell a guy on the first date or even the second. I recommend just avoiding the discussion until you know that you really like the guy and vice versa. If I were you, I would say you gave it up because you wanted to. Say, that you wanted to be healthier and that you feel better than ever, so you're sticking with as long as you can. Period. Even if you end up dating the guy, if I were you, I'd still make that your new truth. Sometimes even saying: "it just didn't agree with me" could be construed as: I get crazy! At least that's how one might take it. And believe me, they are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. So don't raise any suspicion, make it no big deal :-)

Reasons why someone would mind, if you don’t drink:

1) because he can't take advantage of you

2) because he wants someone to party with.

If he's a cool guy with good intentions he won't mind that you don’t drink.

So that was my reply, but I still want to expand on this subject. I think especially if you’re single and dating and going out on a regular basis, usually you’re drinking. Drinking is a very big part of socializing. It’s hard to go on a date (especially a first date) and not drink. It loosens you up, lightens the evening and can kick some chemistry into gear. But, it can also get in the way of having a clear rational perspective of the person that is sitting across from you. Let’s face it, you wouldn’t go to a job interview after you’d had a glass of wine? Nor would you want to interview someone for a job, after you’ve had a glass of wine. Why? Because it will impair your judgment and the way you communicate. It will impair the decisions you make. I think more people should not drink on the first few dates, so they can be at their absolute best. It’s scary, I know! But, I do believe that being completely clear and fully present with someone, is really the only way to know for sure if this person is right for you or not. So if finding a meaningful connection is your goal, it’s best to be sober and present in every way.

How To Tell If He's Just Looking to Get You in the Sack

Ladies beware, there are many men out there who will appear to be interested in you, but how can you tell the difference between the ones who really want to get to know you from the crafty ones who just want to get you into bed….

1. He doesn’t ask any questions about you. Other than, “What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done?” And other unimportant shallow questions.
2. He’s all over you WAY too soon.
3. He makes sure the drinks keep coming.
4. He calls last minute.
5. He tries to get you over to his place as soon as possible.
6. He doesn’t respect your “no” the first time you say it. If you have to say “no” twice, get the hell out of there and don’t look back.
7. He won’t make an effort to travel out of his way to see you.
8. He won’t make any original or special plans.
9. He looks around the room (or over your shoulder) as your talking.
10.  He makes no attempt to have a deep or meaningful conversation.

  
In closing, these guys are often the cutest and the most charming. So we want to believe them, we want to trust them and sometimes we tell ourselves, "who cares, it's fun!" But is it really fun to be treated like an after thought or a toy? It's no fun when he doesn't call you anymore. So spot these guys and turn and run.

Are You Needy?

PUT DOWN THAT PHONE! Do not text him again until he’s responded to your last text, do you hear me? Incessant texting is a telltale symptom of the smart, fun, independent girl turned needy. As is incessant calling, incessant attention grabbing, incessant compliment fishing… I know so many great women who are sane and stable until a man enters the scene... then, it’s all downhill. Suddenly their livelihood is sustained by attention and without it they’re pouty and desperate. And guess what? Too much of you too often and too fast scares men, and it makes them run for the hills.

Seriously? Why is that phone still in your hand? No! Don’t call him, either. Don’t text him, don’t call him. Uh oh. You’re still doing it…!

STOP and LISTEN UP! Are you making any more of these common needy mistakes that drive men away?

Take the TEST!

Are you a secure great, stable woman, until you start dating someone? Let’s see some telltale signs that you just might be a Needy Bitch!

- You have to see him all the time
- You text him constantly
- You call him constantly
- You always need to be the center of attention
- You crave validation from others
- You can’t make a decision on your own
- You are helpless without a man
- You only feel pretty or special when you’re with a man

When your sanity depends on whether or not the phone rings and he’s on the other end of the line, girl, sit down, I have to tell you something. You’re a whole lot of Needy Bitch.

The Story
Kim was thirty-six and couldn’t remember the last time she had dated anyone over a few weeks. She envied her sister Nancy and Kim would often tell her that she had found the only good man worth having. Nancy would always smile, laugh and say, “You’ll find someone, someday. They are out there”.

In fact, Nancy’s husband Nick had set Kim up with several of his guy friends, but for some reason, Kim was never ‘Wowed”. Until, one day, Nancy set Kim up with Nate, a guy from her gym. Lo and behold, they hit it off and began to date.

Perhaps because she hadn’t dated someone in so long, Kim fell for Nate hard and fast. They had only gone out about four times, when Kim started hearing wedding bells. She told her friends and her sister that she didn’t want to be set up with anyone else - this was it. She even took down her online dating profile. Kim began referring to Nate as her boyfriend when speaking to family and friends, even though they had never even come close to having a discussion about being exclusive.

Kim would call Nate everyday on her way home from work, and if he didn’t answer, she’d call back a few times until he did. If Nate called Kim back while she was on the other line with a friend, she would ditch the friend immediately to take Nate’s call – it was very important to Kim that she spoke to Nate every day, and if that meant talking when it was convenient for Nate, so be it. When they weren’t on the phone, Kim would text Nate to see what he was up to. In the instance that he didn’t write back, she nervously waited until he did. It was as though Kim’s life depended on correspondence with Nate, which was weird, because she had only known him for a couple of weeks!

After the fifth date with Nate, Kim made up her mind that she wanted to sleep with him in order to cement the fact that they were in a “relationship” and to move it ahead more quickly. That night, she got her wish and as far as Kim was concerned the “relationship” had consummated. She left Nate’s house in the morning feeling victorious that now, they were surely boyfriend and girlfriend.

Too bad Nate didn’t see it that way. Nate was still looking at it like they had only five dates and he was just getting to know her. Just like he was getting to know several other girls. Nate had never kept it a secret from Kim that he was still dating other people and that Kim was just one of them. He even told her that he wasn’t ready to commit to a relationship yet – with anyone. After they slept together, though, Kim assumed that had changed. But since Kim never told Nate that she saw their sleeping together as a symbol that they were in an exclusive relationship, Nate rightfully went about his life as he had been prior to their night of passion.

Kim started calling and texting Nate even more frequently than she had before they slept together, but Nate didn’t change his behavior at all post-sex. In Kim’s eyes, Nate’s behavior pre-sex was not nearly as attentive as it should be post-sex. Boyfriends should act different than guys who are casually dating you, after all! Kim quickly grew very annoyed with Nate.

Things got especially bad when one night, Kim was arriving to a restaurant with friends and, surprise! Who did she pass on the way in? That’s right! Nate. And he was with another girl. It was awkward in an instant, and Nate kept the encounter very short, leaving with the girl as quickly as he could. Kim, however, immediately had a pit her stomach the size of a boulder. As soon as she was in the restaurant, she ran into the bathroom where she collapsed in a stall, crying. “Why would he do this to me?” She thought. She was still an absolute mess when one of the friends she was out with came in to check on her.

Once her friend convinced her to leave the restaurant bathroom and join the group at dinner, Kim started to freak out by texting Nate, calling him and rehashing every single detail with her girlfriends an attempt to figure it all out. Finally, later that night, Nate called Kim and after she told him how angry and hurt she was, he let her know that he didn’t feel he had done anything wrong. It wasn’t as though they had talked about being exclusive. Furious and upset, Kim hung up the phone. Unsurprisingly, Nate never called again.

His View
“Wow, I’ve never been through so much drama before! Kim knew we were just dating, I was always very honest about that. But, as each day passed, Kim started to be really clingy and after we slept together it got even worse, she started acting like I was her boyfriend. I’m not sure what I could have done differently. Maybe I should have never slept with her. She would always leave sweet messages or send funny cute texts, but that wasn’t ever going to change the fact that I wanted a casual relationship. Part of me realizes now that, she actually thought if she called enough, sent me cute sexy texts and slept with me, that that would change my mind. But, as a guy, that is actually more of a turn off than a turn on.”


Reality
Was Nate a bad guy? No. Nate was a guy who was doing what guys do. Date. They date several girls at the same time until they decide to only date one. But, you have no control over that. The thing only you have control over is running them off by being desperate and needy and frankly, unrealistic.

When a girl meets a guy she should be on her best behavior and play it cool – at least for a couple of dates. But, often times she wants to make the guy her boyfriend right away, and for some bizarre reason, it makes her act needy. She’ll say and do whatever she thinks it will take to make him her boyfriend. Kim thought, “I should send him a text and say Hi, to let him know I’m thinking about him.” Kim thought, “I should send him another text of my new hair cut, so he can see how cute I look.” Kim thought, “To be in a relationship, you need to talk,” so she’d drop anything to take Nate’s call. Kim thought, “People in relationships have sex”, so she jumped into bed before she was ready thinking that it would mean forgoing everything Nate was telling her and would put them on the fast track to a relationship. And Nate picked up on how much importance Kim was putting on Nate’s attention to her, and it freaked him out.

Women who act needy are often buying into ideas they’ve invented in their heads about everything a man does or doesn’t do “meaning” something. Does a guy who’s not calling you every moment of every day mean he’s not into you? Not necessarily. But once you convince yourself it does, you rely on his call to feel good and stable about the potentially budding romance. If he doesn’t call, you call him. Constantly. But do those phone calls solidify or even help the relationship? Nope! They just make you come off as overly dependent upon someone you just started seeing.

Being needy is never attractive. It is basically like saying: “PLEASE be my boyfriend, I’m DESPERATE and LONELY!” “I HAVE NO OTHER OPTIONS!” And who wants to be with that bitch?! It’s a major turn-off. Men want women who have options and who are interesting and have their own lives. Independence is a major winning quality in a woman, but also remember it’s a fine line too. When you meet a guy you really like, play it cool but not cold. Let him know that you have a life outside of him, and always remember that things take time. Sure, there will be times that you might talk to each other every day, but it isn’t necessary and life won’t end if he doesn’t call you today. So don’t loose it if he doesn’t call. Stay calm, stay busy and focus on your life. And when you feel compelled to call, text or cling, stop that urge, DO NOT act on it and use this mantra that I find helpful: “If he doesn’t want me, then it’s his loss ad he’s a fool!”

*this is a chapter from my book, Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend

Why Are Men So Angry?

Why Are Men So Angry?--reprinted from The Daily Beast

Men in their twenties and thirties are fed up with women, but author Kay Hymowitz says you can't blame them when women are demanding equality except when it comes to romance.

Men in their twenties and thirties are fed up with women, but author Kay Hymowitz says you can’t blame them when women are demanding equality except when it comes to romance. Plus, Jessica Bennett on the modern male's identity crisis.

About a week ago, The Wall Street Journal published an excerpt of my new book, which argued that the new stage I call pre-adulthood—the twenties and early thirties—was not bringing out the best in single young men. Some men didn’t like it. As in, “cancel-my-subscription-the-writer-should-contract-such-a-bad-case-of-carpel-tunnel-syndrome-she-never-writes-again” didn’t like it.
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But a lot of the responses unwittingly proved my point—and another one: Men are really, really angry. Consider: “We’re not STUCK in pre-adulthood, we choose it because there aren’t any desirable American women. They’ve been bred to abuse men.” This fairly typical response that appeared at the Seattle Post Intelligencer website: “Sorry ladies. In the age of PlayStation 3s, 24-hours-a-day sports channels, and free Internet porn, you are now obsolete. All that nagging, whining, and stealing our hard earned cash have finally caught up to you."

Shocked? I wasn t. During the last few years researching this age group, I’ve stumbled onto a powerful underground current of male bitterness that has nothing to do with outsourcing, the Mancession, or any of the other issues we usually associate with contemporary male discontent. No, this is bitterness from guys who find the young women they might have hoped to hang out with entitled, dishonest, self-involved, slutty, manipulative, shallow, controlling—and did I mention gold-digging?

Check out the websites like names like MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), Nomarriage.com, or EternalBachelor.com (“Give Modern Women the Husband They Deserve. None.”). Or read popular bloggers like the pseudonymous Roissy, a ferociously caustic dissector of female “sluttiness” and “shit tests” (attempts to manipulate men). There are dozens upon dozens of gurus and counselors who publish posts like “42 Things Wrong With American Women” while chat forums ruminate over how “American Women Suck.”

Women may want equality at the conference table and treadmill. But when it comes to sex and dating, they aren’t so sure.

So, is this what Susan Faludi famously called the backlash? Is it immaturity, as my own book seems to suggest? Is it the Internet as an escape valve for decades of pent-up rebellion against political correctness? Or, is it just good, old-fashioned misogyny?

A bit of all of the above, probably. But there’s another reason for these rants, one that is far less understood. Let’s call it gender bait and switch. Never before in history have men been matched up with women who are so much their equal—socially, professionally, and sexually. By the time they reach their twenties, they have years of experience with women as equal competitors—in school, on soccer fields, and even in bed. They very reasonably assume that the women they are meeting at a bar or café or gym are after the same things they are: financial independence, career success, toned triceps, and sex.

That’s the bait; here comes the switch. Women may want equality at the conference table and treadmill. But when it comes to sex and dating, they aren’t so sure. The might hook up as freely as a Duke athlete. Or, they might want men to play Greatest Generation gentleman. Yes, they want men to pay for dinner, call for dates—a writer at the popular dating website The Frisky titled a recent piece “Call me and ask me out for a damn date!”—and open doors for them. A lot of men wonder: “WTF??!” Why should they do the asking? Why should they pay for dinner? After all, they are equals and in any case, the woman a guy is asking out probably has more cash in her pocket than he does; recent female graduates are making more than males in most large cities.

Sure, girls can—and do—ask guys out for dinner and pick up the check without missing a beat. Women can make that choice. Men say they have no choice. If they want a life, they have to ask women out on dates; they have to initiate conversations at bars and parties, they have to take the lead on sex. Women can take a Chinese menu approach to gender roles. They can be all “Let me pay for the movie tickets” on Friday nights, and “A single rose? That’s it?” on Valentine’s Day.
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Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men Into Boys By Kay Hymowitz 248 pages. Basic Books. $25.99.

Far worse in the bait and switch category is women’s stated preference for nice guys and actual attraction to bad boys. Now, clearly this is not true for all women. Many, maybe even most, want a guy with the sweetness of a Jimmy Stewart and sensitivity of Ashley Wilkes. But enough of them are partial to the Charlie Sheens of this world that one popular dating guru, David DeAngleo, lists “Being Too Much of a Nice Guy” as No. 1 in his “Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes Men Make With Women.” At a website with the evocative name Relationshit.com, (“Brutally honest dating advice for the cynical, bitter, and jaded,” and sociological cousin of Dating-is-Hell.com) the most highly trafficked pages are those asking the question why women don’t like good guys.

PlayStations and Internet porn? For a lot of guys, they seem like the better way.

Kay S. Hymowitz is the William E. Simon Fellow at the Manhattan Institute and a contributing editor of City Journal. Her new book is Manning Up.

Celebrity matchmaker’s controversial new book says it all

“Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend” is this year’s most honest, straightforward and hilarious relationship advice book.

With years of experience working as a matchmaker for the most eligible bachelors around the world, relationship expert Gina Hendrix holds nothing back in her debut book, “Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend” (ISBN 0615571999).

This dynamic relationship advice book lays out for its reader 16 different “bitches” – assigning tongue-in-cheek names to the various archetypal behavior categories that women who self-destruct in relationships tend to fall into. Everything from: the all business bitch to needy bitch to freaky bitch and beyond.

The book is laugh out loud funny and is structured around the question, “Which bitch are you?” and urges its reader to identify what she’s been doing wrong. “The way the advice is given is very unique,” Hendrix says. “I don’t patronize or coddle; I deliver the straight scoop that women need to hear. But, I do it in a funny and real way, similar to what a close friend would want to say, but can’t.”

Straight scoop is certainly Hendrix’s mantra. For each chapter or “bitch” that Hendrix introduces, she shares relevant real-life stories that she has encountered in her life and career. “These are the worst-case scenario versions of each of these destructive behaviors,” says Hendrix, “I have seen women do some things that even I couldn’t believe!”

Accompanying these anecdotes is a bounty of sound advice from Hendrix, who clearly has compassion for the women she’s trying to help. Hendrix dispenses her words of wisdom in a way that is relatable, lively and funny, but is ultimately constructive, informative and very worthwhile.

“Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend” is available for sale online at Amazon.com and other channels.

About the Author: Gina Hendrix is a highly regarded personal matchmaker. Her clients are some of the most eligible men in Hollywood and around the world. She is often regarded as the “Billionaire Matchmaker.” Hendrix is the founder of Exclusive Introductions, an ultra premium matchmaking service located in Los Angeles. In addition to matchmaking, Hendrix has a weekly radio show called “Beyond Beautiful,” where she has candid conversations with the world’s most beautiful and intriguing women about life, love and the pursuit of happiness.

MEDIA CONTACT
Gina Hendrix
Email: info@exclusiveinla.com
Phone: (310) 293-9203
Website: www.exclusiveinla.com/ladies

REVIEW COPIES AND INTERVIEWS AVAILABLE

Are you still single?

Don't you hate that question! Then you say, "Yes" and it's usually followed by a suspicious look followed by the question "why?" AWKWARD!

Well, how do you respond, wait..I already know...you hem and haw and then finally just give them some BS excuse just to move the conversation along to another subject...fast.

So, between you and me....what is the answer? What seems to be keeping you from being in a loving and healthy relationship? Well, that is exactly why I wrote the book Stop Being a Bitch ad Get a Boyfriend....so you can finally get to the bottom of why a relationship eludes you. Here is an excerpt from the chapter called

Insecure Bitch

Coming soon to a theatre near you…

A horror story of epic proportions! When a beautiful girl with winning qualities is bitten by a mutant bug it plants a parasite in her brain. This particularly terrifying parasite eats away at the brain of the poor unsuspecting girl, and worse: the only way to keep the parasite from eating her alive is to feed it compliments and validation from poor, unfortunate, unsuspecting humans. The infected girl tries as hard as she can to avoid feeding on her friends and boyfriend, but before long, the parasite (more commonly known as insecurity) is growing and growing and GROWING! And as the insecurity grows, it gets HUNGRIER! The once wonderful girl is quickly transformed into a practically unrecognizable creature! BEWARE! It’s the Insecure Bitch! She’s running loose, and she’s taking her friends and boyfriend hostage! She’s feeding on their compliments and validation, and it won’t be long before she’s hungry for more! Her victims, meanwhile, are running scared!

YIKES! Unfortunately, for many girls, this is more than just a movie—it’s real life. Could this crazed creature be you?

My new book Stop Being a Bitch and Get a Boyfriend is available on Amazon

6 Surprising Libido Boosters

I found this today on CNN and thought you might enjoy this news!(Health.com) -- You've heard (and tried) it all before: down a dozen oysters, watch a marathon of sultry movies, get a couples massage.

Even if these usual turn-ons work for you, sooner or later they start to feel tired -- which may make you less likely to respond to them, says Irwin Goldstein, M.D., director of sexual medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego.

Luckily, science has discovered a few more offbeat things that crank up your desire. Try one out tonight!

Scare yourself

Consider taking a surfing lesson together instead of a romantic walk on the beach. After being in an adrenaline-pumping situation (say, watching a suspenseful flick or going zip-lining), men and women find the opposite sex more alluring, suggests a study in the "Archives of Sexual Behavior."

"When you're doing something exciting, your heart is racing and your nervous system is activated, much like they would be if you were sexually aroused," explains Cindy Meston, Ph.D., the study's lead researcher and co-author of "Why Women Have Sex." Just don't use up all your energy riding the waves!

Health.com: The secret to hotter sex

Swap bubbly for red wine

Romantic dinner? Order a glass of Pinot Noir or other red wine: Women who drank a glass of red daily reported higher levels of sexual desire and vaginal lubrication, compared with those who sipped any kind of alcohol only occasionally or those who didn't drink at all, according to a study in the "Journal of Sexual Medicine."

Researchers suspect that red wine's high levels of polyphenols, a type of antioxidant, may help blood vessels widen, which can increase blood flow to key arousal areas. Stick to one glass, advises lead author Nicola Mondaini, M.D.; any more may extinguish your libido.

Health.com: 7 foods for better sex

Be a poser

Yoga does more than just get you limber -- it may boost your libido, too, suggests a review published in the "Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy." Getting your om on makes you more familiar with your body, which in turn can help you get more in touch with your sexuality.

While the report looked predominantly at women with sexual problems, "certainly anyone can benefit," says Lori Brotto, Ph.D., the lead author. Bonus: Yoga may also improve your orgasms by increasing blood flow down there.

Health.com: 10 best workouts for your sex life

Get hands-on

Locking fingers with your sweetie is, well, sweet -- but can it make you hot and bothered? Absolutely. "Even little acts of touching your partner release oxytocin, a hormone that may boost closeness and arousal," Goldstein says.

The trick is to be spontaneous, he adds. That out-of-the-blue excitement is what prompts your body to pump out oxytocin and other neurotransmitters related to sexual response, so choose unexpected times to get a little grabby.

Health.com: 28 days to a healthier relationship

See (him in) red

Turns out, your man wearing this fiery hue can put you in the mood, suggests a University of Rochester study. "Red is a signal of status and power, and that turns women on," explains psychology professor Andrew J. Elliot, Ph.D., lead author of the study.

So, crazy as it sounds, urge him to wear the red shirt on date night -- you may want to tear it off him before dessert.

Take a whiff

Chances are, the smell of a sweaty gym does not get you all worked up. But the scent of your man post-workout might do just that. Sniffing his sweat can increase your level of the stress hormone cortisol, which may boost arousal, reports a study in the Journal of Neuroscience.

Consider hitting the gym together (exercising has also been found to flip our switch), or just snuggle close when he walks in after his workout. Then hit the showers -- together.

Copyright Health Magazine 2010

Don't Online Date That Guy

First let me say, online dating is great for most people. However, the majority of my clients prefer to keep their dating life anonymous and private, therefore they don’t usually use online dating sites. As for me, I’m more like you. I work a lot, most of my friends are in relationships and I spend all day in front of the computer. So, naturally, online dating is an easy way for me to meet people whom might not normally cross my path. Unfortunately, the majority of the men I see online are men I would rather NOT ever cross paths with online or off.

That being said, I know there are really great, marriage-minded catches out there that are using online dating sites; you just have to know how to spot the keepers.

A great way to weed through the possibilities and move you one step closer to finding your love match is by scoping out profile photos. Of course, we all use these photos to decide which men to contact. However, I’m sure many of you simply look at the photo but don’t see the whole picture. Some of these photos might seem appealing, but don’t be fooled. A photo can help you determine which guy might love himself more than he could ever love you or who might not be exactly what he seems.

Here is a list of things to look for when perusing the photos:

• Any man who is just too cute or too sexy: Avoid this guy or you will be in a long line with every other woman on the site. And he knows it! Why would a kid want to ever leave a candy store?
• Any man who has his shirt off.
• Posing and making cutesy or weird faces or just being too silly.
• Too stylish.
• Too perfect of a “headshot”: Airbrushing and Photoshop can be very deceiving.
• Too much of a bad boy.
• An overgrown kid.
• Photo resembles a mug shot or Wanted poster.
• Any man who has 10, 12, or 20-something photos of himself.
• His screen name can be a window to his psyche as well, so be ware.

Now, that we’ve gotten that out of the way. Here is what you should be looking for when you view the photos:

• A guy with a genuine smile.
• A guy who isn’t trying too hard.
• A guy who just looks like a regular guy—not a model, not an actor, not a bad boy, or a comedian, or James Bond.
• A guy who isn’t too put together, but not disheveled either. Just simple, not flashy or too cool.
• A guy who only has two or three photos.
• A guy who’s photos might be a little out of focus, because he’s just a regular guy who isn’t that concerned with “perfect” photos.

Finally, a guy who looks too perfect or sounds too perfect is also looking for perfection in his lady. So chances are, even if you go out with him, he will be looking for any flaw and he will find it, because no one is perfect. Look for a guy who looks like a “good guy”. Going for just the shiniest object on the page will prove to be a waste of time and energy.

God Bless Him for Trying..but...

Men, please read the following email sent to a woman (as a first email) on an online dating site. I truly feel bad for him, because he sounds like a good guy. Poor guy, he's just saying waaaay too much, it's all about him, it's clear he never even read her profile and it's obviously a "cut and paste" job that he sends out to every lady. So read his email below and take heed!


"nibbling on sponge cake...watching the sun bake....

"nibbling on sponge cake...watching the sun bake...all the tourists covered with oil"...
that's me an island boy...just did a gig in Key West, Florida...singing tropical songs...
I'm Matt, my profession is an architecture, I'm a lead designer in a major LA architectural firm...
I'm what everyone calls a 'creative'. I'm a song writer, poet and artist. In fact all those three come out
in my designs. smile. I'm putting together a benefit for a horse rescue ranch...in late June so I'm working
on the song list for the evening of wine, food and music...it should be a lot of fun...talking to a lot of my musician
and singer friends to volunteer for a good cause.
Driven but easy going...strange combination...most people just view the easy going part...but a lot gets accomplished
this life is way too short to waste it. Have begun to show my paintings...just did a small show in Soho, NY. People were
great and receptive...love to paint people...very figurative in my art. Published my first two children's books last fall
and they are now available on Amazon...funny my kids had no clue I was going to do a series of tales I used to tell them as kids. They had a bang when they found dedicated the book to them...they were tickled.
I've been blessed...no other way to say it...5 gorgeous and talented grown kids...I love my work...love my hobbies...
still I want to find that special someone to explore with and live this fun life.
Have fun this week...I am.

Serendipity

Serendipity is when one finds something that one was not expecting to find.





I was talking to someone recently when (surprisingly) the subject of online dating and matchmaking came up. The person said they’d been resistant to online dating because they believed in serendipity. Well, I believe serendipity comes in many forms. Just because one puts forth the effort to meet someone, through an online dating site or a dating service or a matchmaker, if you ultimately find your soul mate in the process, then it’s still serendipity in my book.

And let’s face it, as we get older it gets more and more difficult to find that needle in a haystack. The needles get smaller, the haystack gets bigger! The people who I have known or worked with who have made up their minds and who have made it their mission to find love, have found it. There is something almost magical that I have personally witnessed when someone becomes willing to do anything and everything to find love. They find it. And usually it’s within 6 months or a year. I have seen it time and time again.

But, the key is that you have to be ready, willing and open to all of the possibilities. It might mean, improving your appearance in order to attract the type of person you want. It might mean going through therapy and working on your issues. It definitely means going to social events, doing online dating or even hiring a matchmaker. For example, have you tried Chemistry.com? It’s a more serious version of Match. And it certainly is another great resource to use if you haven’t tried it yet.
The point is, to use any and all resources available. The more you do, the better your chances are. There is also a very valid psychological part to all of this too. Once you make up your mind and commit to a process of finding love (whatever that process might be) you begin to see everything and everyone in a new way. You begin to date with a purpose, but also with more optimism and determination. And when you give anything 100% and you refuse to give up, you will always get what you want.

Are You Happy?

Are you happy? Do you look on the bright side of things? Are you approachable?

If you want to attract a healthy positive type of love, then you need to project happiness.

But, how do you do this if you’re lonely, sad or jaded? It’s as easy as making up your mind to choose being positive in your every word and action. You must find happiness and fulfillment in your own life in order to attract the “one”. That means having hobbies, a job, and friends that fulfill you in a healthy way. It’s so easy to sink into bitterness and complacency and before you know it, you’re in over your head and you’re stuck. It takes a bit of effort to choose happiness everyday, but it’s worth the effort. And while you’re at it, expand your mind in new ways. Read a new book or magazine that is completely out of your regular routine. In fact, while you’re at it, start a new routine all together! March to a different drum, listen to new music and make new friends. The potential for expanding your life and happiness is limitless. Soak in all of the life you can, we only get one shot at it, so go for it!!!

On a more personal note, from my own observations these days, I have discovered that when I go to events or parties I have more fun than ever and so does anyone who comes with me. Why? Because I move around the room, smiling and talking to everyone I see. I’m interested in meeting new people, I love to hear their stories and it’s just fun talking to people. Before I was a matchmaker, I was like you: I would go to a party and just stand in one place with my friend and people watch. Then we’d leave and we never really ever met anyone new. Yes, we observed a lot of people…but, so what? We weren’t going outside of out comfort zones. Let’s face it, we go to parties and events to meet new people…so hell…get out there, walk up to someone and just start talking! What do you have to lose? Worst-case scenario: there’s not much to talk about, it might be awkward for a minute and you move on. Big deal, life is all about awkward moments, it’s what makes life most interesting, the unexpected. And the endless possibilities that each day brings, is what makes me happy! That and my animals ☺

Onward and Upward

Hello out there!!! I am sorry that I haven't posted a new blog in a very long time, but I have a very good reason. I have been working on several books. And therefore have been using my ideas and advice for the purpose of a long form self help book or a few books, in this case. I finished my first book, Love Life Makeovers and am working on my next two. So, that is what I have been up to, I haven't forgotten any of you :)

But, I have recently been inspired to write a new blog on one of my favorite subjects: getting back together after you have both already called it quits.

It doesn't make a difference who is at fault or who breaks up with whom. The only thing that is important to remember is that there is drama and discourse, enough that one of you or both of you have decided to pull the plug on the relationship. And I firmly believe that you should never go back. Once a relationship ends, it ends for a good reason. And those that try to go back or do go back will end up sooner or later breaking up again and usually for the very same reason or issue that you broke up for, in the first place. Life is not about going backwards, life is about learning from your mistakes and moving forward. The longer you remain in a bad, turbulent relationship, the more time you waste. Time that you will never get back. I know several women who have wasted many, many years in an unhappy relationship with the wrong guy, only to now be in a place where, they are too old to have kids. They literally wasted those years thinking that they could change the guy or that by some magical power their relationship would get better. It never did.

And it breaks my heart to see people that I know stuck with their feet in quick sand watching life pass them by, while they struggle in a bad relationship that prevents them from having a happy life.

Life is about being happy and being a positive contributor to the universe. And how can you be positive and happy when you live a life filled with drama, misery and sadness? I say, "Onward and Upward!!" This is the only life you get, so make it the best you can.

Why Are You Single?

This is a question that I have been asking people for a while now. Let’s face it, we all have our reasons. Or are they excuses? According to my married friend Karen, the ONLY reason anyone is single, is because they want to be. Hmmmm. Well, I guess if we took Karen’s theory completely literally, we could all be married if we were willing to grab any old jackass that looked at us and smiled. But, I think that the majority of us aren’t THAT desperate to get married that we are willing to marry the first parolee who crosses our path and asks us to marry them. But, then there is the other side of the coin. And on the other side of the coin is what I consider to be the number one reason why most of us are single, UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. It is a very very big problem. I notice this especially at my various singles events. When you put a group of single people in a room together and ask them to list who they are interested in, you can bet that EVERY guy will pick all of the prettiest women and all of the women will pick ALL of the cutest guys. Now, when it comes to attractive people…there’s no problem there. Attractive people will always be attracted to each other, of course. But, the problem with unrealistic expectations lies with those people that aren’t a 10 or a 9 or an 8 or 7 even a 6. I’m talking about people who are on the 1 to 5 scale. 5 being just average, not unattractive but not attractive either. The people in the 1 to 5 range NEVER seem to want each other….EVER. And I’m not sure if it is because they are completely unaware of their “number” or they know their “number” but, feel that in spite of their short comings they are entitled to someone way out of their league. Or maybe they want a trophy to prove to the world that they are much more than an ugly duckling. I’m not sure; I just know that people are way too concerned with someone’s temporary shiny outer shell rather, than look past the superficial. I really wish more single people who want to find love would choose their dates and future mates on what really matters most and what is not going to change with time, and that is a person’s intelligence and moral character, within their “number range” whether it’s 1 to 5 or 6 to 10. So, tell me, what is your number? Do you think you have unrealistic expectations? Why are you single?

Ladies, if you are single..you MUST get in on my New Coaching Club. I am going to share with you everything I've learned from being a Matchmaker and working with successful men! Space is limited.
Get more info here http://www.selectiveandsingle.com/coaching.php

"Women Have a Shelf Life"

It boggles my mind at how many people walk around with a false sense of reality. Unbelieveable...and sad. I had a man yesterday, tell me about how women have a "shelf life" and this was from a man who said he was 49..and had clearly had a facelift and WAY too much botox! Good God! Or how about the woman who entered her info to be part of my database, said her age was 48...then showed up to my recent event....and was not a day under 60! Men in their 50's and 60's think it is reasonable to only want to date women 30 to 40. Well...I'm here to tell you then.....you better be RICH. Because there ain't no woman 30 to 40 looking for a man 50 to 60...unless he is going to upgrade her lifestyle, substantially. And women....the only reason most younger guys will date an older woman, is either they think she'll be an easy lay or she'll be their sugar momma. Here's another thing....you don't look younger when you get all of that crap done to your face. In fact, it makes you look older...you look like an older person who's trying very hard to look young, except you really just look freakish.Do yourself a favor, keep it real..be happy the way you are and get a grip on reality. What is most important is what is on the inside...and no amount of plastic surgery or lies will help you find love and happiness..if you're not happy with yourself anyway.

Love Life Tips

If you aren't following me on Twitter, then you miss my daily love life tips. Here is a compilation of my recent tips:

Your Love Life Tip of the Day

Nothing you do will change anyone but you

Men want to chase and hunt it’s their nature

Like the one who likes you

Cheaters never change, they just get better at it

Like who you love and love who you like

Character lasts longer than looks

Be careful who you fall in love with

Sleep naked

Love the way you want to be loved

Expect nothing in return

Appreciate the little things

Do one new thing each day that you wouldn’t normally do

If you’re not happy find out why

If you’re lonely reach out to those who need your help

Love and respect yourself first

A healthy relationship is lifts you up

An unhealthy relationship holds you back

Don’t waste your love on a loser

Pay attention to the actions, not the words

Don’t forget your friends, they with stick with you through it all

Top Ten Reasons Why You Should Be Glad You’re Single

My top ten reasons why you should be glad you’re single.

10. You can date, talk to and kiss anyone you want.

9. You can look any way you want to, any time you want to.

8. You look younger. Research has found single people look younger and are usually in better shape.

7. You can have sex with a different partner every night of the week, if you want to.

6. You don’t have to deal with any relationship drama.

5. Being single means you are constantly meeting new people and going new places.

4. Your possibilities are endless.

3. You can take over the entire bed.

2. Your hand or your vibrator never disappoints.

1. The possibility that you could marry George Clooney or Cameron Diaz is still a possibility.