If you are like most people, there will come a time in your life where you are stuck, in your love life or just in your life. Are you alone? Are you in a bad or just boring relationship? Well, it's a new year and there is no better time to look back at what got you to this place in life and look ahead to where you would like it to go in the future. Now, take a good look at the present and the changes you need to make. I recommend, instead of the usual "baby steps" or "sticking your toe in the water".....if a change is what you what, then you must plunge into action. Now!
One of my big changes last year was starting my own internet radio show, called "Love Life Makeovers" where each week I have a featured guest who has insight or advice on anything and all things love related. And if you had told me this time last year, that I would have this show..(that has become hugely popular)...I would have said "no way." So, I speak from experience when I give you the following advice on changing your life for the better. I hope it helps.
Here are a few suggestions to get you started, although, everyone's "sticking point" is different..the idea is to take an honest look at your life and what is holding you back and to tackle it in a big way. But, I have listed big and small changes...for those who aren't quite ready yet.
Step 1: If you are tired of looking at you're same old place...change it. If you can't move (which would be the best way for a huge change, because it changes who you meet at the grocery store, gas station and changes your whole life) then just redecorate your place. Sell your furniture on craigslist..or trade it in..or just move it around and recover. Paint. Painting a room is an instant affordable, change. Put new or vintage knobs on your doors and cabinets. Get new pictures for your walls. You can even just start small, with your bathroom. Any change is change. FYI...changing your bedroom, even what you wear to bed...is a great place to start with changing your current love situation. Freshen it up, spice it up.
Step 2: Start going to new places...even just to run errands or walk your dogs.
Step 3: Smile and say "Hi" to anyone and everyone. I can't tell you how much positive attention I get from people when I walk around with a smile on my face. And not a huge "I'm crazy" smile..but, a pleasant, friendly smile. And make sure you are aware of your facial expression at all times. Even just smiling when you're by yourself..will put you in a better mood. This might sound strange...but, it works.
Step 4: If you don't like your career....do something about it. Look around for other work opportunities or even sign up to do community work. This might open new job opportunities and will most certainly allow you to meet new people.
Step 5: Change your love life. Change your life. If you are single and lonely or in a unhappy relationship ...nothing will change until you make it happen. The other person will never change....you are the only one that can make your life better. So, maybe you need to start going to therapy or you need to join a women's or men's support group (whether you're single or in a relationship). If you're single, join online dating sites and choose differently. Do not choose dates based on looks. Make choices based on inner qualities that you seek in someone. If you don't want to do online dating, then join a "meetup" (meetup.com is a free web site, where you can find a group for anything you like to do).
All of the steps mentioned above will change your love life in one way or another. Because when you start the ball rolling for any type of change, you will be amazed at how it just keeps rolling and rolling. The key is to keep it rolling, by making changes. Make an agreement with yourself to do something everyday or just once a week, that you normally never do. If you do this now, then next year at this time you will look back on your life and you will be so amazed and proud of all of the changes you have made.
The best thing that I did for myself last year..that started the ball rolling for me, was, I made a sign that said "What Did You Do To Change Your Life Today?" and I put it where I would see it at the end of everyday. I can't tell you how many many many changes that happened in my life last year, all for the better...and this year, there is still more change to come. It's fun, it's exciting and necessary. The best quote I heard recently was: "The only difference between a rut and a grave, is the depth". So what are you waiting for? Give yourself a love life makeover now!
And if you have any questions, I'm always here to help.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Dating on a budget
Dating on a dime. How to date creative in a tough economy or anytime! These are creative and fun idea's for dating on a budget.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
The Power of a Woman
Many books have been written over the years about the powers women have had over men through out history. But, is it still true today? Are women today even aware of their potential power and mystique? As the old saying goes ” You can catch more flies with honey, than you can with vinegar”. I think women these days are so concerned with “getting a boyfriend” or “getting a husband”, that they are willing to do anything, put up with anything, in order to be validated with a man’s love and attention.
I think there is something to be said about old-fashioned values. The days where men had great manners and the ladies were ladies. Ladies in waiting, if you will. If women could just be patient and happy with themselves or their friends, then they would be able to regain their power. It is when we lower our standards and except “crumbs” that we are teaching men how to treat us. We are telling them that we don’t value ourselves as much as we value them. And why, why would any woman do that? Fear of being alone, fear of being unloved or just low self esteem. I can’t tell you how many women today suffer horribly from low self-esteem. And unfortunately, they will pass it on to their children, then their children and so on.
If women only realized how men see them. They see them as goddesses. They see them as an almost mythical creature, that they spend every waking moment trying to figure out how to capture one for their very own. And if women played their cards right…and I don’t mean game playing. I mean, if women would just realize that not being so available would not only make the men value them more, but, it would also help build their own self esteem and ultimately help them regain their power as a woman, then we would be teaching men how we really want to be treated.
I think there is something to be said about old-fashioned values. The days where men had great manners and the ladies were ladies. Ladies in waiting, if you will. If women could just be patient and happy with themselves or their friends, then they would be able to regain their power. It is when we lower our standards and except “crumbs” that we are teaching men how to treat us. We are telling them that we don’t value ourselves as much as we value them. And why, why would any woman do that? Fear of being alone, fear of being unloved or just low self esteem. I can’t tell you how many women today suffer horribly from low self-esteem. And unfortunately, they will pass it on to their children, then their children and so on.
If women only realized how men see them. They see them as goddesses. They see them as an almost mythical creature, that they spend every waking moment trying to figure out how to capture one for their very own. And if women played their cards right…and I don’t mean game playing. I mean, if women would just realize that not being so available would not only make the men value them more, but, it would also help build their own self esteem and ultimately help them regain their power as a woman, then we would be teaching men how we really want to be treated.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Online Dating Do's & Don'ts
There are many online dating sites out there and everyone is doing it. If you are single these days…and you’re looking for a date or relationship, if you’re not dating online, you’re missing out.
The more comfortable we get surfing the web, the more comfortable we get dating online. It is just not as weird and mysterious as it once was…and the stigma is no longer there. In fact, there is more of a stigma if you aren’t dating online...”you are just behind the times”.
But, what is great about online dating is also what is not great about online dating. Your options are endless. So, there are those that just can’t stop looking and perusing their options. Why pick just one…when each day brings someone new to your computer screen. I mean, how great is it to be bombarded with compliments from strangers telling you how beautiful you are, while you read their gushing emails in your dirty t-shirt and sweat pants? It can be addictive. But, it doesn’t have to be. If you are online dating with the simple goal of finding a relationship, then there are basic things to do, not to do and red flags to look out for.
Number one: Take your time and fill out your profile completely.
Number two: Be honest, but, not too honest (it’s a profile, not a therapy session).
Number three: Don’t say that you are looking for someone intelligent and then have misspelled words in your own profile Or misspell intelligent. I have seen that more times than I can count. Always, use spell check!
Number four: Put up at least 3 recent...recent photos. One a bit closer and two body shots..or vice versa. NEVER post photos with your kids, or another person..or God for bid a head shot or you with a celebrity. Win them over with you….just you…an accurate you. I even prefer to “under sell” myself online.... because, if they like what they see online, when I show up in person..they are pleasantly surprised. I think underselling is always best. If you look too great in your picture..or if it is old or has been photo shopped…you are in for getting your feelings VERY hurt when you meet the date in person…and you have to see the look of shock and disappointment on their face. It is true.
Number five: Be open to meeting people outside of your usual “type”. After all, that is the beauty of online dating, you are able to meet people that you might not otherwise ever meet in your day to day life. So, take advantage of the fact that you can explore options that you had never considered before. The nice guy or girl, the geek, the older man or woman, the younger guy, the person with a child. The goal is to find someone with the “inner” qualities that you are looking for first. So, make that the top criteria, when searching the endless profiles. This might help narrow the search substantially.
Number six: Choose wisely and look for red flags. Here are just a few:
Someone who doesn’t have a picture posted and I don’t care what excuse they give you.
Shirtless photos or anything that indicates that they will be WAY more into themselves that they will be ever be into anyone else.
Whe someone emails you for the first time and they don't reference anything specifically about you or your profile. Chances are they’re just shooting fish in a barrel and doing the “copy and paste” to any and everyone that is new or halfway decent.
If they say, “average body type” beware. This is your first clue that they are probably a bit overweight. And that is fine, but just know that going in.
Number seven: Don’t let the emails go on forever. You don’t want to have this great imaginary email relationship…if A) It never produces a real date or B) When you finally meet the person..you suddenly discover they aren’t the person that you let your mind build them up to be…..then it is just a very awkward and disappointing situation for both of you.
Number eight: A few good email exchanges, followed by one brief phone conversation to pick a time and a place to meet…and then cut to the chase. Meet at a neutral public well populated place. Keep this meeting short and sweet, no more than 2 hours.
Number nine: After the date, (if you’re the man) follow up with an email to say if you want to see the person again. If you let her believe you were interested in seeing her again, but, you aren’t…then make sure you send an email to clarify. The same goes for the ladies. DO NOT mislead anyone. There is no point, since you can always be honest in an email. Be honest.
Number ten: If you want to be in a relationship, then do not have sex with anyone that is still actively looking online. Dating sites allow you to see when the last time a person was on the site, use this information to your benefit and be cautious.
There are many many more tips, do’s, don’ts and red flags. Email me if you would like me to help you fine-tune your profile or help you search for that special someone.
Online dating can be a great way to find “the one”, but only if you are playing by the rules and giving it your very best shot.
I’m here to help.
The more comfortable we get surfing the web, the more comfortable we get dating online. It is just not as weird and mysterious as it once was…and the stigma is no longer there. In fact, there is more of a stigma if you aren’t dating online...”you are just behind the times”.
But, what is great about online dating is also what is not great about online dating. Your options are endless. So, there are those that just can’t stop looking and perusing their options. Why pick just one…when each day brings someone new to your computer screen. I mean, how great is it to be bombarded with compliments from strangers telling you how beautiful you are, while you read their gushing emails in your dirty t-shirt and sweat pants? It can be addictive. But, it doesn’t have to be. If you are online dating with the simple goal of finding a relationship, then there are basic things to do, not to do and red flags to look out for.
Number one: Take your time and fill out your profile completely.
Number two: Be honest, but, not too honest (it’s a profile, not a therapy session).
Number three: Don’t say that you are looking for someone intelligent and then have misspelled words in your own profile Or misspell intelligent. I have seen that more times than I can count. Always, use spell check!
Number four: Put up at least 3 recent...recent photos. One a bit closer and two body shots..or vice versa. NEVER post photos with your kids, or another person..or God for bid a head shot or you with a celebrity. Win them over with you….just you…an accurate you. I even prefer to “under sell” myself online.... because, if they like what they see online, when I show up in person..they are pleasantly surprised. I think underselling is always best. If you look too great in your picture..or if it is old or has been photo shopped…you are in for getting your feelings VERY hurt when you meet the date in person…and you have to see the look of shock and disappointment on their face. It is true.
Number five: Be open to meeting people outside of your usual “type”. After all, that is the beauty of online dating, you are able to meet people that you might not otherwise ever meet in your day to day life. So, take advantage of the fact that you can explore options that you had never considered before. The nice guy or girl, the geek, the older man or woman, the younger guy, the person with a child. The goal is to find someone with the “inner” qualities that you are looking for first. So, make that the top criteria, when searching the endless profiles. This might help narrow the search substantially.
Number six: Choose wisely and look for red flags. Here are just a few:
Someone who doesn’t have a picture posted and I don’t care what excuse they give you.
Shirtless photos or anything that indicates that they will be WAY more into themselves that they will be ever be into anyone else.
Whe someone emails you for the first time and they don't reference anything specifically about you or your profile. Chances are they’re just shooting fish in a barrel and doing the “copy and paste” to any and everyone that is new or halfway decent.
If they say, “average body type” beware. This is your first clue that they are probably a bit overweight. And that is fine, but just know that going in.
Number seven: Don’t let the emails go on forever. You don’t want to have this great imaginary email relationship…if A) It never produces a real date or B) When you finally meet the person..you suddenly discover they aren’t the person that you let your mind build them up to be…..then it is just a very awkward and disappointing situation for both of you.
Number eight: A few good email exchanges, followed by one brief phone conversation to pick a time and a place to meet…and then cut to the chase. Meet at a neutral public well populated place. Keep this meeting short and sweet, no more than 2 hours.
Number nine: After the date, (if you’re the man) follow up with an email to say if you want to see the person again. If you let her believe you were interested in seeing her again, but, you aren’t…then make sure you send an email to clarify. The same goes for the ladies. DO NOT mislead anyone. There is no point, since you can always be honest in an email. Be honest.
Number ten: If you want to be in a relationship, then do not have sex with anyone that is still actively looking online. Dating sites allow you to see when the last time a person was on the site, use this information to your benefit and be cautious.
There are many many more tips, do’s, don’ts and red flags. Email me if you would like me to help you fine-tune your profile or help you search for that special someone.
Online dating can be a great way to find “the one”, but only if you are playing by the rules and giving it your very best shot.
I’m here to help.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Finding the “one”
I used to think that I knew who it was I was looking for. You know when you write down all of the qualities that you seek in a partner. Funny, smart, kind, ambitious. I never had on my list…broke, lazy, emotionally unavailable, messy, chaotic, and immature. But, yet, that was exactly the type of person that I kept dating. Now, don’t get me wrong..they didn’t all posses all of those qualities (qualities?) at once. Some had only one of those issues or maybe two. And I could never figure out why I kept ending up with these duds. I would say…”But, that’s not what I wrote down on my wish list.”
Well, I have recently discovered the answer. I may have written down and sincerely hoped for a great guy, a guy who had his life together, A MAN. But, what I wasn’t even aware of…was the fact that I was attracting the exact type of person that was my mirror image. Again, I didn’t have all of those negative issues all at one time…but, I can admit now, that I certainly was NOT equal to the person that I had always dreamed of marrying.
I was immature (check) lazy (at times) broke (too many times) messy (I have animals) and emotionally unavailable (check). Then something magical happened, I met a guy, that at first, I thought I wasn’t interested in….because he was the complete opposite of anyone I had ever been attracted to in the past AND he was a business man! Here’s the magical part..I fell for him and my entire life changed. Not because I married him, no, the relationship didn’t work out. But, here's what he did for me. For the first time in my life, I met a real MAN, who gave me an opportunity to see what life is like when you are an adult, with class and money. So, once I got a taste of that..there was no going backward. I took action. It wasn’t easy, I changed my life..dramatically. I changed careers, I became a responsible adult, I now have a cleaning lady. I have a passion for my business. I am doing very well. Now, I am ready for and equal to the person I have always dreamed of marrying. But, since I am so focused on my business, I’m not looking. And you know what they say about that….well, we’ll see. I’ll let you know.
But, here’s the deal….figure out exactly the type of person you want to be with….inner qualities, lifestyle, class, brains…whatever it is you want in someone else and make sure you take a real..I mean..real..honest look at yourself first. If you need to make changes, make changes. Because until you posses those qualities that you are seeking in someone else, you will never find the person you have always dreamed of marrying. Whew! Too much honesty for one night ☺ Thanks, Jay!
To hear more on this subject...you don't want to miss my internet radio show Aug. 27th at 11am PST. If you miss it, you can download it later. http://www.latalkradio.com and my show is called Love Life Makeovers
Well, I have recently discovered the answer. I may have written down and sincerely hoped for a great guy, a guy who had his life together, A MAN. But, what I wasn’t even aware of…was the fact that I was attracting the exact type of person that was my mirror image. Again, I didn’t have all of those negative issues all at one time…but, I can admit now, that I certainly was NOT equal to the person that I had always dreamed of marrying.
I was immature (check) lazy (at times) broke (too many times) messy (I have animals) and emotionally unavailable (check). Then something magical happened, I met a guy, that at first, I thought I wasn’t interested in….because he was the complete opposite of anyone I had ever been attracted to in the past AND he was a business man! Here’s the magical part..I fell for him and my entire life changed. Not because I married him, no, the relationship didn’t work out. But, here's what he did for me. For the first time in my life, I met a real MAN, who gave me an opportunity to see what life is like when you are an adult, with class and money. So, once I got a taste of that..there was no going backward. I took action. It wasn’t easy, I changed my life..dramatically. I changed careers, I became a responsible adult, I now have a cleaning lady. I have a passion for my business. I am doing very well. Now, I am ready for and equal to the person I have always dreamed of marrying. But, since I am so focused on my business, I’m not looking. And you know what they say about that….well, we’ll see. I’ll let you know.
But, here’s the deal….figure out exactly the type of person you want to be with….inner qualities, lifestyle, class, brains…whatever it is you want in someone else and make sure you take a real..I mean..real..honest look at yourself first. If you need to make changes, make changes. Because until you posses those qualities that you are seeking in someone else, you will never find the person you have always dreamed of marrying. Whew! Too much honesty for one night ☺ Thanks, Jay!
To hear more on this subject...you don't want to miss my internet radio show Aug. 27th at 11am PST. If you miss it, you can download it later. http://www.latalkradio.com and my show is called Love Life Makeovers
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