Sex & Marriage?

What does it mean to be in a happy marriage? And is it normal for couples to rarely have sex or in many cases, not all, when they have been married for several years? What is normal sexual activity in a marriage? Is sex an important part of marriage? It should be!

I personally think, it is crucial to keep the sex and the passion alive in any relationship; long-term committed or marriage. Why? Because otherwise if the couple doesn't keep it fresh, doesn't keep the passion alive, then they just become relatives. To me, the reason to be bound with someone in marriage, is to make a permanent commitment to someone you love, respect and enjoying making love, to. The expression that comes out of that love and respect, is sex or making love. People seem to feel the need to get married and have a permanent connection with someone, only to drift apart and let their sexual intimacy and passion wane. I’m not sure why anyone would want to get married and then just be friends with his or her partner. What's the point of being married and not having sex with your partner and not being able to have sex with anyone else? At least that’s what it means to be in a conventional marriage. When you and your partner are very rarely having sex, usually, it is often the case that one person in the relationship and sometimes even both partners in the relationship, will go outside of their marriage for sex. And of course, this ultimately creates a wedge between the couple, which inevitably could lead to the demise of their entire marriage.

 So why do people turn off their sex drive once they get married? I realize, that priorities shift once you become married. Children for example, enter the picture and often times, this leaves the couple with very little private time. At least, that is what couples tell me. So, here is what I say about that, why not steal moments with your partner as if you were doing something tawdry and wrong? Make it more of an "us against them" when it comes to you and your spouse and your children. Maybe the kids are playing in the backyard and you and your husband or wife, can run into the bathroom for two minutes for a quick and spontaneous lovemaking session. Or maybe it’s just simply 15 seconds of a crazy make-out session. If you’re in a happy marriage where you find that your partner is the love of your life, you respect them, you're best friends with them, you have children with them, why not make having sex with them one of the top priorities? What do you have to lose?

I’m sure the romance is not as hot as it was in the very beginning of your courtship and because you’re older, because you now have more responsibilities, money issues, children, stress, and lack of sleep. But, that’s is exactly why you need to make romance, passion and sex, much higher on your list of priorities, that is, if you want to keep your marriage, your love life alive.

The Approach

I have been having discussions lately with men and women on the subject of…..”How does a man approach a woman in a social setting?” “Or why doesn’t a man approach a woman in a social setting?”

You always hear beautiful women on T.V. say “I can’t get a date.” and “Men are just too afraid to approach me.” I really find it extremely hard to believe, that if Cindy Crawford or Heidi Klum were in a bar and not famous..that most men wouldn’t be chatting them up right and left and asking them out.

I’m not sure if I believe in this “he’s too imtimidated” thing. I do believe that many men when they see an attractive woman may not approach her because they think she might be in a relationship…but, again, I say..if she were Heidi Klum..he’d give it a shot anyway.

But, what to do if you are not Heidi Klum or Cindy Crawford? Well, it seems the easiest way to convey interest to a man from across the room (without, you approaching the man) is to make eye contact….real and direct eye contact, for what might seem like an eternity (about 5 or 10 secs) and give him a smile. The tactic that I have used for years is to smile and chat with the other guy, that I'm not interested in...and you know what always happens...that is the guy, that will end up asking me out. Why, because I smiled and made eye contact with him, the guy I wasn't interested in. So, clearly the tactic that I have been using to get the cute guy I like, to ask me out..doesn't work. But, it does, if you want to go out with his unattractive friend. Just go after what you want.

I mean really, what have you got to lose? Who cares if he thinks you are staring at him…you are! He will either be a man and approach you or he won’t, it’s as simle as that. Now, what do you have to lose by not making eye contact and giving him a signal that you are available and interested? Well, how about a possible date with a cute guy, for starters. And men..are you really intimidated or just not interested  enough to take action?
I agree with the adage that says: It's better to act and to regret / Than to regret not to have acted. - Mellin de Saint-Gelais

Click to hear my on air discussion from todays show 

About Gina
Gina is the owner of Selective and Single, a Los Angeles based personal matchmaking service specializing in individual needs for an upscale affluent clientele. If you have any questions you would like to ask Gina, feel free to email her at info@selectiveandsingle.com or to get more info on Selective and Single go to http://www.selectiveandsingle.com

My New Internet Radio Show

I'm not sure if you've checked out my new internet show on http://www.bbstalkradio.com

My show is called "Love Life Makeovers" You can call in and listen live every Wednesday morning at 11am PST. I have a new guest on each week to discuss all things "Love" related.

If you would like to be a guest on my show. Email me and let me know.

Click here to listen to my first show http://www.bbstalkradio.com/images/Gina-022708.mp3


About Gina
Gina is the owner of Selective and Single, a Los Angeles based personal matchmaking service specializing in individual needs for an upscale affluent clientele. If you have any questions you would like to ask Gina, feel free to email her at info@selectiveandsingle.com or to get more info on Selective and Single go to http://www.selectiveandsingle.com

Dating with modern technology

These days with all of the gadgets and gizmo’s out now our lives should be easier..right?
Well, when it comes to dating, it seems that some technology has been proven to be very useful for dating, while the misuse of technology has made dating more difficult and frustrating.

For example, online dating is a great way to meet people you might not ordinarily meet in your day-to-day life. You see someone you like on a dating site and send them an email. And because of email; you are now able to communicate faster and in a more private way. Rather than giving out a phone number to a complete stranger, giving out your email address is a safer alternative. However, it can also be a very impersonal way to communicate with someone. Often times on dating sites, you might come across the person that seems to just send emails with absolutely no interest in taking the next step. This is also true with people you meet anywhere.

If you are at the point where someone has your telephone number as well as your email...yet they still just email, then something’s wrong. Either they are not really available or they are not really interested in you. Getting email from someone you are interested in is fun at first. But, if it becomes the only means of communicating, then someone is going to get bored and eventually loose interest. Then there are text messages. Obviously, if someone is texting you, then they have your phone number. Texting is a great way to flirt and just say a quick “hi” “ I’m thinking about you”. But, if it is being over used and not in combination with real phone calls…it becomes obvious very quickly, that the “texter” is just playing games and killing time. Not to mention..running up your text-messaging bill!

How did people date before answering machines, cell phones and computers? Well, since they didn’t have the modern day conveniences we do, people had to make an EFFORT to get together with someone. They had to mean it, when they said, “I’ll call you” or ‘Want to go out next week?” Because it was harder to make contact, plans had to be made in advance and kept. When someone picked you up for a date….that was it, it was just the two of you..no interruptions. No cell phones to answer, no texts to send out. If you are not a doctor or a single parent, I see no reason to even bring your cell phone on a date. Period.

Dating with modern technology in review

1. If you have someone’s phone number or they have yours...call to ask them out or cancel a date. No emails or text when it comes to making or canceling plans.

2. Don’t over text. Say “Hi” or ‘I’m thinking about you” or ‘I’m late’. Anymore than that….call them.

3. No cell phones on dates. If you have to bring it, keep it in the car.


About Gina
Gina is the owner of Selective and Single, a Los Angeles based personal matchmaking service specializing in individual needs for an upscale affluent clientele. If you have any questions you would like to ask Gina, feel free to email her at info@selectiveandsingle.com or to get more info on Selective and Single go to http://www.selectiveandsingle.com

Are your expectations realistic?

This is a very important question to ask. When you think of your future, whom do you see yourself with when you’re 80? Or are you just thinking of “right now”? If it is your ego talking then probably you would say..”I see myself with someone fit, tall, great smile, loves rock music, owns the new I phone and is very very sexy.’ And why? Why are those things the most important things to your ego? Well, because, the ego by definition means: An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.
To put it another way: Are your expectations of a potential partner based on what is in your heart or is it based on how you want to be perceived by other people? Because I know when you’re 80, you’re not going to care if he was ever a rock star or if she was ever a super model. So think about what is really most important. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, then you have to be realistic. That means that you have to ask yourself, “If everyone on this planet looked the same and dressed the same and had the same income…..what qualities then, would I be looking for?” And do YOU have the same qualities to offer the other person? Because, if you’re expectation is for a perfect model, then you also need to be a perfect model. Right? Let’s face it, if you’re over weight, average looking and don’t have a lot going for you, other than you’re a nice person…well, let’s just hope and pray….you’re not waiting for “George Clooney or Eva Longoria” to come along.

There are just as many women out there as there are men, who seem to have a strange sense of entitlement, when it comes to being choosy about a mate. It is great to be picky and have standards…but, make sure you are being honest with yourself and that your standards aren’t higher than what you have to offer in return.

Be realistic and think outside of the stereotypes. Let go of unrealistic expectations, throw away your checklist and allow yourself to fall in love with someone’s inner qualities. The only way to do that is by giving different people a chance..a real chance, it takes more than one date to fall in love, sometimes it takes ten, fifteen or even twenty. Love at first sight rarely happens, the best type of love is the love that develops over time and is based on the soul, not the outer shell.

About Gina
Gina is the owner of Selective and Single, a Los Angeles based personal matchmaking service specializing in individual needs for an upscale affluent clientele. If you have any questions you would like to ask Gina, feel free to email her at info@selectiveandsingle.com or to get more info on Selective and Single go to http://www.selectiveandsingle.com

Men, start this New Year out right!

It is a brand new year and if you are like the majority of people in Los Angeles, then you are single. Is this by choice? Or is it because the women you are interested in, only see you as a friend? If the women you are attracted to, seem to always see you as a friend, then clearly you are doing something wrong.

Here are some simple things you can do to take charge and stop that from happening again!

You have to establish your intentions from the beginning. You’re not going to say it with your words, you’re going to say it with your actions.

Step 1. First and foremost, you have to have confidence.

Step 2. Don't take the passive approach. Come up with creative and fun things to do---be original, call her up and ask her out.


Step 3. Always picker her up.


Step 4. Never let her pay


Step 5. Always walker to her door


Step 6. Open all doors for her and let her go first

All of the above steps are a great start...but, just having great manners isn't enough. She has to see you in a romantic way...so you have to be romantic and cross that "friendship" line.

Here are some ways to do that:


Holding hands: Take the initiative and take her hand when the two of you are crossing a street or walking to the car at the end of the night.

Flirting: whisper in her ear..."you look beautiful"..or when you're not with her send her a flirty text...."just thinking about how hot you looked the other night...can't wait to see you again"


By taking all of these steps you are sending her the message that you are in charge, that you care about her well being and that you see her in a sexual way. She will respect you as a man and you will definitely get her attention, she will see you as a “date” not just as a “friend”.

Good Luck and Happy New Year!

About Gina
Gina is the owner of Selective and Single, a Los Angeles based personal matchmaking service specializing in individual needs for an upscale affluent clientele. If you have any questions you would like to ask Gina, feel free to email her at info@selectiveandsingle.com or to get more info on Selective and Single go to http://www.selectiveandsingle.com

What to do if you’re single on New Years Eve? 12/20/07 6:58 PM

Personally, I don’t really like to go out on New Years Eve. I, like many people, believe it is “amateur” night. It seems most people feel that they HAVE to go out and have fun on the last night of year. I have never understood this and have also never really had a great time on New Years Eve. O.k., maybe once…or twice. I think trying to “force” a fun New Years Eve never works.
But, there are a few alternatives to just sitting at home alone. If you don't want to ring in the New Year all by your lonesome, then you are going to HAVE to be proactive!

The first step:

Start calling all of your friends, in fact, even call those friends that you’ve lost touch with..or a friend that you may have had a falling out with in the past. This is the perfect time of year to reconnect and say hi. Who knows they might end up inviting you to join them for New Years or if they don’t have plans, it’s the perfect opportunity to get together and see each other.

Now…for part two:

O.K. you’ve called some single friends and none of you have anything to do on New Years Eve….

Here are a few ideas to get you started:


1. Have a small dinner party…where each of your friends brings along another single guy or girl. Everyone can each bring a dish and a beverage to share with the group.

2. Try something new….that you and your friends would never normally do. Maybe it’s the opera, the ballet, a magic club, mystery dinner theatre.

3. A white elephant party, where everyone brings the worst gift they received for Christmas to exchange for someone else’s bad gift.

4. Have a wine tasting and dessert tasting. Each person can bring their favorite wine or dessert to share.

There are many ways to enjoy New Years Eve….the best way is to be safe and don’t over do it.

And if you are alone this New Years Eve, here are my favorite things to do.

Treat yourself to an extravagant dinner at home, rent your favorite movies and sip champagne. I usually like a quiet New Years Eve, I like to reflect on the past year and make exciting plans for the new year ahead. I go to bed early and wake up the first day of the new year..refreshed and ready and not hung over.

About Gina
Gina is the owner of Selective and Single, a Los Angeles based personal matchmaking service specializing in individual needs for an upscale affluent clientele. If you have any questions you would like to ask Gina, feel free to email her at info@selectiveandsingle.com or to get more info on Selective and Single go to http://www.selectiveandsingle.com