Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The Approach

I have been having discussions lately with men and women on the subject of…..”How does a man approach a woman in a social setting?” “Or why doesn’t a man approach a woman in a social setting?”

You always hear beautiful women on T.V. say “I can’t get a date.” and “Men are just too afraid to approach me.” I really find it extremely hard to believe, that if Cindy Crawford or Heidi Klum were in a bar and not famous..that most men wouldn’t be chatting them up right and left and asking them out.

I’m not sure if I believe in this “he’s too imtimidated” thing. I do believe that many men when they see an attractive woman may not approach her because they think she might be in a relationship…but, again, I say..if she were Heidi Klum..he’d give it a shot anyway.

But, what to do if you are not Heidi Klum or Cindy Crawford? Well, it seems the easiest way to convey interest to a man from across the room (without, you approaching the man) is to make eye contact….real and direct eye contact, for what might seem like an eternity (about 5 or 10 secs) and give him a smile. The tactic that I have used for years is to smile and chat with the other guy, that I'm not interested in...and you know what always happens...that is the guy, that will end up asking me out. Why, because I smiled and made eye contact with him, the guy I wasn't interested in. So, clearly the tactic that I have been using to get the cute guy I like, to ask me out..doesn't work. But, it does, if you want to go out with his unattractive friend. Just go after what you want.

I mean really, what have you got to lose? Who cares if he thinks you are staring at him…you are! He will either be a man and approach you or he won’t, it’s as simle as that. Now, what do you have to lose by not making eye contact and giving him a signal that you are available and interested? Well, how about a possible date with a cute guy, for starters. And men..are you really intimidated or just not interested  enough to take action?
I agree with the adage that says: It's better to act and to regret / Than to regret not to have acted. - Mellin de Saint-Gelais

Click to hear my on air discussion from todays show 

About Gina
Gina is the owner of Selective and Single, a Los Angeles based personal matchmaking service specializing in individual needs for an upscale affluent clientele. If you have any questions you would like to ask Gina, feel free to email her at or to get more info on Selective and Single go to


Anonymous said...


I would comment that men and women view conversations differently. I tend to tell some of my female friends- "nice means like".

In that a girl will often get caught "just being nice".

However, from a male perspective- if we've taken the initiative to approach a woman- our expectations or often one of anticipated rejection.

Rightly or wrongly, there is always that glimmer of self doubt. Thus, when a woman responds in a "nice" manner, we as men tend to think- great there is interest.

It's an interesting quandary of balance for a girl to be "nice", and not come across overly "interested".

Thus, your tactic of talking to the "other guy" can manifest into your opportunity to talk with the "right" guy, if you control your initial amount of "niceness".

You might want to realize that most men, are watching for some other poor schmuck to walk and and talk to the girl- so they take the rejection.

If you talk to the first guy, and then politely find a way to move on, the "other guy" will feel much more comfortable approaching you.

It is THEN that you can turn on all your worldly charm!

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