Sunday, December 23, 2007

What to do if you’re single on New Years Eve? 12/20/07 6:58 PM

Personally, I don’t really like to go out on New Years Eve. I, like many people, believe it is “amateur” night. It seems most people feel that they HAVE to go out and have fun on the last night of year. I have never understood this and have also never really had a great time on New Years Eve. O.k., maybe once…or twice. I think trying to “force” a fun New Years Eve never works.
But, there are a few alternatives to just sitting at home alone. If you don't want to ring in the New Year all by your lonesome, then you are going to HAVE to be proactive!

The first step:

Start calling all of your friends, in fact, even call those friends that you’ve lost touch with..or a friend that you may have had a falling out with in the past. This is the perfect time of year to reconnect and say hi. Who knows they might end up inviting you to join them for New Years or if they don’t have plans, it’s the perfect opportunity to get together and see each other.

Now…for part two:

O.K. you’ve called some single friends and none of you have anything to do on New Years Eve….

Here are a few ideas to get you started:


1. Have a small dinner party…where each of your friends brings along another single guy or girl. Everyone can each bring a dish and a beverage to share with the group.

2. Try something new….that you and your friends would never normally do. Maybe it’s the opera, the ballet, a magic club, mystery dinner theatre.

3. A white elephant party, where everyone brings the worst gift they received for Christmas to exchange for someone else’s bad gift.

4. Have a wine tasting and dessert tasting. Each person can bring their favorite wine or dessert to share.

There are many ways to enjoy New Years Eve….the best way is to be safe and don’t over do it.

And if you are alone this New Years Eve, here are my favorite things to do.

Treat yourself to an extravagant dinner at home, rent your favorite movies and sip champagne. I usually like a quiet New Years Eve, I like to reflect on the past year and make exciting plans for the new year ahead. I go to bed early and wake up the first day of the new year..refreshed and ready and not hung over.

About Gina
Gina is the owner of Selective and Single, a Los Angeles based personal matchmaking service specializing in individual needs for an upscale affluent clientele. If you have any questions you would like to ask Gina, feel free to email her at info@selectiveandsingle.com or to get more info on Selective and Single go to http://www.selectiveandsingle.com

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Do you have a dating strategy?

Have you ever wondered why you aren’t meeting or dating many new people?

Well, when we were in our 20’s we didn’t really need a strategy. But, then we were also not looking to settle down or find love. We were out having fun, being adventurous and meeting new people everyday.

Then into our 30’s we don’t go out to bars as much anymore and clubs..well, I never liked clubs. So you go to dinner with friends or the occasional party. Some of your friends are in long-term relationships and some are married. They still know a few single people..but, the list is getting shorter. Meanwhile, you are still single. Now might be the time to figure out a dating strategy.
This means that you are going to be pro-active in reaching your long-term goal….to be in a committed long term relationship and hopefully marriage. But, first you need dates. Or candidates..as I like to call them.

So, what do you do…...where do you begin?

Well, first, I’ll just give a few examples of strategies that I know some people are currently using to find dates, which is the first step to finding a long term relationship.

Where do you work?
I know someone who owns restaurants and they have been using their place of business for years as their personal dating service or "strategy" to finding love. And if you work in a field where you are expected to be friendly and approachable, then it makes it much easier to approach someone and strike up an innocent friendly conversation. I know another person who is a hairdresser, he chats with clients all day and gets plenty of dates that way too.

So, deciding to be a bit friendlier in your work environment is a good place to start. NOTE: I am not talking about hitting on a coworker or customer. But, by simply smiling, striking up a conversation and (if it comes up) mentioning that you are single, you are now opening a new door to more possibilities. But, I realize there are also many of you who do not come in contact with a bevy of new people at work and some of you might even work from home. This is why, you especially, need to have a dating strategy.

I have put together a list of a few simple ways to create a strategy for dating and meeting new people.

*Join a group
By joining a group where you know no one and you enjoy the activity, you are guaranteed to meet new people and expand your circle, by expanding your circle, you are now opening yet another door to more possibilities.

*Try online dating
I know people who have tried it and gotten married, I have known people who have tried it and had no luck at all. But, what I do say about online dating is this; it provides you with the ability to meet people that you might not ever have met in your day-to-day life. The more people you meet and go out with….the better you will be at the art of making “dating conversation”.

*Find activities you love doing
If there is something that you used to love to do…but, haven’t done in awhile, go do it. Either go by yourself (which I recommend) or find a friend or neighbor to go with you. But, remember….try to make conversation with others….not just the person you have with you. As much as I don’t like to go places by myself….it has ALWAYS forced me to talk to new people and help me meet people that I might not talk to if I have a friend along. I think going by yourself to an event or to do an activity is the best way to force you to talk to strangers. And I also think other people are more inclined to approach you when you are by yourself. Be brave! Try it!

*Volunteer
When you volunteer to help at a charity event, it not only makes you feel great…it makes other people approach you at the event. They will usually be asking questions, need help with whatever activity is going on, and in general I feel most people tend to let their guard down at charity events. People get into the spirit of helping others and they tend to forget they are talking to strangers…because; after-all you are all there for the same cause. That is a conversation starter and often times is a bonding experience between otherwise, perfect strangers.

The goal is to expand your circle. By finding a dating strategy that works for you and putting that strategy into action you will have more dates, the more dates you have, the better your chance at finding love.

If you are the type of person that really is determined to increase your chance at finding love, you also might want to consider hiring a personal matchmaker. A matchmaker's goal is to find love for you. They do the searching based on what you are looking for in a mate. They search through their personal data base of eligible singles, as well as approach anyone where ever they are. If they spot someone who appears to fit your criteria they will approach them and ask if they are single and tell them they have someone they would like to introduce them to. Most people are extremely flattered and impressed to be approached by a matchmaker and are very willing to meet the matchmakers client.

What will be your dating strategy for the New Year?


About Gina
Gina is the owner of Selective and Single, a Los Angeles based personal matchmaking service specializing in individual needs for an upscale affluent clientele. If you have any questions you would like to ask Gina, feel free to email her at info@selectiveandsingle.com or to get more info on Selective and Single go to http://www.selectiveandsingle.com

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Basic dating do's & don’ts for men

How to avoid game playing from the beginning.
If you are on a first or second date, and you think you might be interested in seeing this person again, I suggest paying attention to signals or conversation that perhaps your date has given about things they would like to do in the future. For example, if she’s mentioned the new art exhibit that she wants to see…or a new restaurant that sounds interesting….then at the end of the date you should suggest checking it out for next time. If she says yes, then follow up by saying you’ll call mid week to figure out a plan. This let’s both of you know that you’ll being seeing each other again soon. Then make sure you call on the day you are supposed to….and no sooner. I think that calling the day after is nice, but not necessary on the first or second date. In fact, sometimes it can feel like too much to soon.
If you’ve said at the end of the date that you’ll call mid week, then call mid week—leave it at that.

Always walk her to her car and wait until she drives off

If she has her car in valet…you will score BIG bonus points if you walk her to the valet and pay the valet for her parking, she can tip.

Open doors for her and let her always go first

If she offers to pay or chip in….ALWAYS say no

Never answer your phone when on a date

Don’t try too hard

Don’t try to be funny

Be yourself

Be polite

And genuinely be interested in what she has to say

These are my opinion's based on my personal experience over the years. But, it seems I'm not alone in my opinion.
Just as I was getting ready to post my "do's and don'ts" on my blog, I came across an article on yahoo.
I've posted it below. I really agree with the part about communication. in fact, I agree with it all. Enjoy this iinteresting and helpful article.

From Yahoo.com homepage 12-9-2007

Andrea Syrtash gets the scoop from daters -- females and males -- about the top mistakes men make when they're dating. See how to avoid those mistakes

How many times have you gone on what you thought was an amazing date only to find that the person never calls back or doesn't seem interested when you try to book another date?
Dating can be awkward, and everyone makes mistakes. Of course, there are some instances in which the person you like doesn't follow up and it has nothing to do with you (e.g,. an ex comes back into her life...don't you love that?). But often it's simple things we do (or don't do) that prevent us from making a connection.
During the past few years, I've interviewed hundreds of daters and asked them what they were looking for, and it's amazing to hear the same themes. Women have certainly complained to me about the biggest mistakes they feel that men make in dating, so I thought I'd share the secrets. (Don't worry -- I have plenty of material on the mistakes women make, but that's for a future installment.)


Top Five Dating Mistakes That Men Make

1. Men Show Off or Try to Impress Too Much. Don't offer your resume, your earning potential, and tell us how you'll change our lives the first time we meet you. Instead of talking about yourself the whole night, ask questions! Don't come on too strong right away. Let us figure out if we want to be with you, instead of telling us we do.

2. Men Don't Listen to Us When We're Talking. We notice if you stop listening to us, if you ask us questions we just answered, or if you keep interrupting us when we're opening up. This drives most women nuts! Unless you're on call, don't check your Blackberry at dinner and don't check out other women. Focus on the woman across the table from you and listen to what she has to say.

3. Men Aren't Chivalrous. The lines here are not always clear. We want you to treat us like equals, but we also want you to treat us like women. It's nice when a man picks up the tab or makes sure his date gets home safely. It may be old-fashioned, but a number of women report that dating a gentleman matters.

4. Men Don't Take Initiative. Men, how many times have you caught yourself saying, "I don't know" or "Whatever you'd like" when planning a date? If you've asked a woman out, a better approach is to give a few fun and creative date options and ask her to pick one.
Initiative doesn't mean ordering for a woman at a restaurant or ordering a woman around! It does mean confidently approaching your date with ideas, passion and interest. It also means you can be flirty and forward, letting her know how amazing you think she looks or how much you want to kiss her.

5. Men Say They'll Call and Then Don't. It's no surprise that acting like you're going to follow up when you're not bothers most women (and never underestimate the way word travels about you not keeping your word!). Better to end a date by saying, "It was nice to meet you. Have a good night." Don't act like you're going to follow up if you're not. If you've gone out more than a few times, be honest that while you enjoy your date's company, you don't feel a romantic connection.

Just remember, communication is usually the way to go with a woman.
There are always exceptions, so I don't believe there are absolute rights and wrongs in dating -- but there are strategies. If you follow these simple steps, you'll be ahead in the dating game. At least you'll get an 'A' for effort.


About Gina
Gina is the owner of Selective and Single, a Los Angeles based personal matchmaking service specializing in individual needs for an upscale affluent clientele. If you have any questions you would like to ask Gina, feel free to email her at info@selectiveandsingle.com or to get more info on Selective and Single go to http://www.selectiveandsingle.com

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Chemistry?

I think most of us have been told or led to believe that "chemistry" is some magical, intangible force that we simply have no control over. I disagree with that. Over the years, I have known many people who have become attracted to someone over time. And I think attraction and chemistry is really one in the same. It is that feeling you get when you see that special someone. You want to touch them, kiss them and smiling around them, comes easy. So...if chemistry and attraction are one in the same...then it only makes sense that we can "become" attracted to someone over time, based on many many things---therefor we can create chemistry in the same way. I personally have met a few men, who, at first sight, I was absolutely not attracted to, but, rather than write them off right away, I gave them a chance. They were very nice and easy to be around, so, I decided to go out with them several more times. I can tell you that I not only became attracted to these men, but, over time, I was crazy for them....couldn't keep my hands off of them. Talk about chemistry!

So, here's the point. Meeting someone online, speed dating or for a quick drink is really not going to give you or them an accurate read on whether or not there is or will be "chemistry". You really need to spend time with someone in order to see if attraction.....chemistry can happen.

Of course there are those that you will be attracted to immediately, but, that is not what I'm talking about here. If you really want to be in a relationship with someone and you are looking for love, then you have to be willing to give someone 3 dates---yes, 3 dates, is what I believe is necessary in order to truly give someone a chance. There will be those times that you go out with someone once and right away you know that their annoying habit, is an absolute deal breaker for you. That I understand. But, as long as they're not completely annoying, if they are nice, kind and considerate...then I say, give it and them and yourself a chance to cultivate chemistry and find love.



About Gina
Gina is the owner of Selective and Single, a Los Angeles based personal matchmaking service specializing in individual needs for an upscale affluent clientele. If you have any questions you would like to ask Gina, feel free to email her at info@selectiveandsingle.com or to get more info on Selective and Single go to http://www.selectiveandsingle.com