Don't Online Date That Guy

First let me say, online dating is great for most people. However, the majority of my clients prefer to keep their dating life anonymous and private, therefore they don’t usually use online dating sites. As for me, I’m more like you. I work a lot, most of my friends are in relationships and I spend all day in front of the computer. So, naturally, online dating is an easy way for me to meet people whom might not normally cross my path. Unfortunately, the majority of the men I see online are men I would rather NOT ever cross paths with online or off.

That being said, I know there are really great, marriage-minded catches out there that are using online dating sites; you just have to know how to spot the keepers.

A great way to weed through the possibilities and move you one step closer to finding your love match is by scoping out profile photos. Of course, we all use these photos to decide which men to contact. However, I’m sure many of you simply look at the photo but don’t see the whole picture. Some of these photos might seem appealing, but don’t be fooled. A photo can help you determine which guy might love himself more than he could ever love you or who might not be exactly what he seems.

Here is a list of things to look for when perusing the photos:

• Any man who is just too cute or too sexy: Avoid this guy or you will be in a long line with every other woman on the site. And he knows it! Why would a kid want to ever leave a candy store?
• Any man who has his shirt off.
• Posing and making cutesy or weird faces or just being too silly.
• Too stylish.
• Too perfect of a “headshot”: Airbrushing and Photoshop can be very deceiving.
• Too much of a bad boy.
• An overgrown kid.
• Photo resembles a mug shot or Wanted poster.
• Any man who has 10, 12, or 20-something photos of himself.
• His screen name can be a window to his psyche as well, so be ware.

Now, that we’ve gotten that out of the way. Here is what you should be looking for when you view the photos:

• A guy with a genuine smile.
• A guy who isn’t trying too hard.
• A guy who just looks like a regular guy—not a model, not an actor, not a bad boy, or a comedian, or James Bond.
• A guy who isn’t too put together, but not disheveled either. Just simple, not flashy or too cool.
• A guy who only has two or three photos.
• A guy who’s photos might be a little out of focus, because he’s just a regular guy who isn’t that concerned with “perfect” photos.

Finally, a guy who looks too perfect or sounds too perfect is also looking for perfection in his lady. So chances are, even if you go out with him, he will be looking for any flaw and he will find it, because no one is perfect. Look for a guy who looks like a “good guy”. Going for just the shiniest object on the page will prove to be a waste of time and energy.

God Bless Him for Trying..but...

Men, please read the following email sent to a woman (as a first email) on an online dating site. I truly feel bad for him, because he sounds like a good guy. Poor guy, he's just saying waaaay too much, it's all about him, it's clear he never even read her profile and it's obviously a "cut and paste" job that he sends out to every lady. So read his email below and take heed!


"nibbling on sponge cake...watching the sun bake....

"nibbling on sponge cake...watching the sun bake...all the tourists covered with oil"...
that's me an island boy...just did a gig in Key West, Florida...singing tropical songs...
I'm Matt, my profession is an architecture, I'm a lead designer in a major LA architectural firm...
I'm what everyone calls a 'creative'. I'm a song writer, poet and artist. In fact all those three come out
in my designs. smile. I'm putting together a benefit for a horse rescue ranch...in late June so I'm working
on the song list for the evening of wine, food and music...it should be a lot of fun...talking to a lot of my musician
and singer friends to volunteer for a good cause.
Driven but easy going...strange combination...most people just view the easy going part...but a lot gets accomplished
this life is way too short to waste it. Have begun to show my paintings...just did a small show in Soho, NY. People were
great and receptive...love to paint people...very figurative in my art. Published my first two children's books last fall
and they are now available on Amazon...funny my kids had no clue I was going to do a series of tales I used to tell them as kids. They had a bang when they found dedicated the book to them...they were tickled.
I've been blessed...no other way to say it...5 gorgeous and talented grown kids...I love my work...love my hobbies...
still I want to find that special someone to explore with and live this fun life.
Have fun this week...I am.

Serendipity

Serendipity is when one finds something that one was not expecting to find.





I was talking to someone recently when (surprisingly) the subject of online dating and matchmaking came up. The person said they’d been resistant to online dating because they believed in serendipity. Well, I believe serendipity comes in many forms. Just because one puts forth the effort to meet someone, through an online dating site or a dating service or a matchmaker, if you ultimately find your soul mate in the process, then it’s still serendipity in my book.

And let’s face it, as we get older it gets more and more difficult to find that needle in a haystack. The needles get smaller, the haystack gets bigger! The people who I have known or worked with who have made up their minds and who have made it their mission to find love, have found it. There is something almost magical that I have personally witnessed when someone becomes willing to do anything and everything to find love. They find it. And usually it’s within 6 months or a year. I have seen it time and time again.

But, the key is that you have to be ready, willing and open to all of the possibilities. It might mean, improving your appearance in order to attract the type of person you want. It might mean going through therapy and working on your issues. It definitely means going to social events, doing online dating or even hiring a matchmaker. For example, have you tried Chemistry.com? It’s a more serious version of Match. And it certainly is another great resource to use if you haven’t tried it yet.
The point is, to use any and all resources available. The more you do, the better your chances are. There is also a very valid psychological part to all of this too. Once you make up your mind and commit to a process of finding love (whatever that process might be) you begin to see everything and everyone in a new way. You begin to date with a purpose, but also with more optimism and determination. And when you give anything 100% and you refuse to give up, you will always get what you want.

Are You Happy?

Are you happy? Do you look on the bright side of things? Are you approachable?

If you want to attract a healthy positive type of love, then you need to project happiness.

But, how do you do this if you’re lonely, sad or jaded? It’s as easy as making up your mind to choose being positive in your every word and action. You must find happiness and fulfillment in your own life in order to attract the “one”. That means having hobbies, a job, and friends that fulfill you in a healthy way. It’s so easy to sink into bitterness and complacency and before you know it, you’re in over your head and you’re stuck. It takes a bit of effort to choose happiness everyday, but it’s worth the effort. And while you’re at it, expand your mind in new ways. Read a new book or magazine that is completely out of your regular routine. In fact, while you’re at it, start a new routine all together! March to a different drum, listen to new music and make new friends. The potential for expanding your life and happiness is limitless. Soak in all of the life you can, we only get one shot at it, so go for it!!!

On a more personal note, from my own observations these days, I have discovered that when I go to events or parties I have more fun than ever and so does anyone who comes with me. Why? Because I move around the room, smiling and talking to everyone I see. I’m interested in meeting new people, I love to hear their stories and it’s just fun talking to people. Before I was a matchmaker, I was like you: I would go to a party and just stand in one place with my friend and people watch. Then we’d leave and we never really ever met anyone new. Yes, we observed a lot of people…but, so what? We weren’t going outside of out comfort zones. Let’s face it, we go to parties and events to meet new people…so hell…get out there, walk up to someone and just start talking! What do you have to lose? Worst-case scenario: there’s not much to talk about, it might be awkward for a minute and you move on. Big deal, life is all about awkward moments, it’s what makes life most interesting, the unexpected. And the endless possibilities that each day brings, is what makes me happy! That and my animals ☺

Onward and Upward

Hello out there!!! I am sorry that I haven't posted a new blog in a very long time, but I have a very good reason. I have been working on several books. And therefore have been using my ideas and advice for the purpose of a long form self help book or a few books, in this case. I finished my first book, Love Life Makeovers and am working on my next two. So, that is what I have been up to, I haven't forgotten any of you :)

But, I have recently been inspired to write a new blog on one of my favorite subjects: getting back together after you have both already called it quits.

It doesn't make a difference who is at fault or who breaks up with whom. The only thing that is important to remember is that there is drama and discourse, enough that one of you or both of you have decided to pull the plug on the relationship. And I firmly believe that you should never go back. Once a relationship ends, it ends for a good reason. And those that try to go back or do go back will end up sooner or later breaking up again and usually for the very same reason or issue that you broke up for, in the first place. Life is not about going backwards, life is about learning from your mistakes and moving forward. The longer you remain in a bad, turbulent relationship, the more time you waste. Time that you will never get back. I know several women who have wasted many, many years in an unhappy relationship with the wrong guy, only to now be in a place where, they are too old to have kids. They literally wasted those years thinking that they could change the guy or that by some magical power their relationship would get better. It never did.

And it breaks my heart to see people that I know stuck with their feet in quick sand watching life pass them by, while they struggle in a bad relationship that prevents them from having a happy life.

Life is about being happy and being a positive contributor to the universe. And how can you be positive and happy when you live a life filled with drama, misery and sadness? I say, "Onward and Upward!!" This is the only life you get, so make it the best you can.

Why Are You Single?

This is a question that I have been asking people for a while now. Let’s face it, we all have our reasons. Or are they excuses? According to my married friend Karen, the ONLY reason anyone is single, is because they want to be. Hmmmm. Well, I guess if we took Karen’s theory completely literally, we could all be married if we were willing to grab any old jackass that looked at us and smiled. But, I think that the majority of us aren’t THAT desperate to get married that we are willing to marry the first parolee who crosses our path and asks us to marry them. But, then there is the other side of the coin. And on the other side of the coin is what I consider to be the number one reason why most of us are single, UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. It is a very very big problem. I notice this especially at my various singles events. When you put a group of single people in a room together and ask them to list who they are interested in, you can bet that EVERY guy will pick all of the prettiest women and all of the women will pick ALL of the cutest guys. Now, when it comes to attractive people…there’s no problem there. Attractive people will always be attracted to each other, of course. But, the problem with unrealistic expectations lies with those people that aren’t a 10 or a 9 or an 8 or 7 even a 6. I’m talking about people who are on the 1 to 5 scale. 5 being just average, not unattractive but not attractive either. The people in the 1 to 5 range NEVER seem to want each other….EVER. And I’m not sure if it is because they are completely unaware of their “number” or they know their “number” but, feel that in spite of their short comings they are entitled to someone way out of their league. Or maybe they want a trophy to prove to the world that they are much more than an ugly duckling. I’m not sure; I just know that people are way too concerned with someone’s temporary shiny outer shell rather, than look past the superficial. I really wish more single people who want to find love would choose their dates and future mates on what really matters most and what is not going to change with time, and that is a person’s intelligence and moral character, within their “number range” whether it’s 1 to 5 or 6 to 10. So, tell me, what is your number? Do you think you have unrealistic expectations? Why are you single?

Ladies, if you are single..you MUST get in on my New Coaching Club. I am going to share with you everything I've learned from being a Matchmaker and working with successful men! Space is limited.
Get more info here http://www.selectiveandsingle.com/coaching.php

"Women Have a Shelf Life"

It boggles my mind at how many people walk around with a false sense of reality. Unbelieveable...and sad. I had a man yesterday, tell me about how women have a "shelf life" and this was from a man who said he was 49..and had clearly had a facelift and WAY too much botox! Good God! Or how about the woman who entered her info to be part of my database, said her age was 48...then showed up to my recent event....and was not a day under 60! Men in their 50's and 60's think it is reasonable to only want to date women 30 to 40. Well...I'm here to tell you then.....you better be RICH. Because there ain't no woman 30 to 40 looking for a man 50 to 60...unless he is going to upgrade her lifestyle, substantially. And women....the only reason most younger guys will date an older woman, is either they think she'll be an easy lay or she'll be their sugar momma. Here's another thing....you don't look younger when you get all of that crap done to your face. In fact, it makes you look older...you look like an older person who's trying very hard to look young, except you really just look freakish.Do yourself a favor, keep it real..be happy the way you are and get a grip on reality. What is most important is what is on the inside...and no amount of plastic surgery or lies will help you find love and happiness..if you're not happy with yourself anyway.